Tag: jesus

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Redemption

LS

We are currently surrounded by boxes and incredible chaos. It seems that the more you try to pack the more things get cluttered. It makes it hard to see the progress, although we are hoping we are getting near to the end.

In the midst of the chaos of moving, we are also trying to help those impacted by the chaos of the move. We have shared different aspects of trying to help children regulate. It is not a one time thing either. It is more like a daily, moment by moment type of thing. There is a ton which we have learned through this and many things that can be shared.

One of the many things that has come out of this has been the chance to talk with our kids about their past. Transitions often bring about regression especially amongst adoptive children. While all children will get stressed and perhaps revert back to some former habits, adoptive children can almost seem to move years backwards rather than just steps. Part of this has to do with transitions bringing the past back to the forefront. This can resurface dramas and hardships. It can make it hard to work through and resolve without first travelling backward in time to understand, as best as possible.

Fortunately, some of our kids habe been willing to travel back in time with us and give us some small glimpses of the past. Their story is theirs to tell and ours to guard until they do. However, suffice to say that it is not a pleasant journey either for the story teller or the audience. Multiple of them have had trouble thinking about anything positive, even the smallest positive thing about their life before the orphanage. In their words, there was nothing positive about this part of their past.

Recently, one of them was talking and the question came up about what is something they would change about their past, if possible. The most negative aspects and individuals were the quick, easy, and anticipated answer. But what was not so anticipated was what came next. The child paused for a second and then said, “But then again, if those things hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met you all and you wouldn’t have adopted me.” Given their story and the darkness surrounding it, this was a remarkable thought to have come out unprompted.

The amazing thought can be summarized with the word redemption. Redemption means to buy back something which was lost. It is the image of a possession sold to settle a debt or provide needed funds that is then repurchased by the original owner. A child experienced a life no one should ever have to endure, lost a family that should have been and sadly never was, and yet, through all the tragedy, is able to see how the Lord works through sin to bring about His purposes and His purposes for His own are good. It provided a great chance to share about how God is able to take pain and sin, and redeem what was lost in a glorious finale that none other could produce or even imagine.

This is the story of all of God’s adoptive children – we were lost in our sins and trespasses. Our darkness was our own making. Yet, God in His kindness did not leave us in our darkness. Rather, He stepped in, invaded with His light, and redeemed His own…bought them back, and brought them into a family.

This isn’t to say the darkness is excusable or that it is easy to say, share, hear, or feel. It is wrong and always will be. Yet, it is to say that even as evil as sin can be, God can bring about something good – not because of, but in spite of the best attempts of the darkness. Because God is a God who redeems. And that is a glorious truth worth celebrating even as the darkness is mourned over. Praise God for His redemptive work!

Now…about those boxes…perhaps something else needs some redemption…

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Pieces Falling into Place

LS

Although it has been coming down to the wire and it seems like a million things have been changing at the last possible second, the pieces are slowly beginning to fall into place. We were very thankful to discover the Brazilian passports in our mailbox today. This is one piece that allows us to breathe a bit easier and to start the application process for the electronic travel authorization required to visit the UK. We were so thankful for all the help we received from friends who walked us through this process, helped us fix the tax number complications, and helped us email the consulate to request the passports due to our approaching deadline to leave.

Another piece that has fallen into place recently is a location in Scotland opening up. We have learned that the area of Fearn, Scotland has a Free Church that could use some help and that also has a manse that we can stay in for the duration of our time there. There are still plenty of details to be discussed – exactly in what way we can best minister to and serve the congregation there, the address of the manse, etc. But we are thankful to have a general vicinity at this stage. Fearn is about 45 minutes by car north of Inverness, one of the northernmost large cities in Scotland. We have been incredibly thankful for all the help and support that we have received from MTW in coordinating this and getting things set up.

We are also thankful to have been able to finish out our time at MICC well – more to come on that in a later post. We were incredibly thankful for the send off, the warm and emotional goodbyes, the very kind words and thoughts, and the chance to rejoice together in all that the Lord has done. Today we were grateful to take part in a wedding as our final event with MICC. The Lord has put all the pieces in place for them to continue moving forward well and for that we rejoice greatly. We are thankful for the leadership He has blessed the church with and we are excited to see how He works through the new senior pastor to bless this special congregation.

Pieces are also falling into place with moving. We have been so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with storage options generously donated to us – so much so that we don’t have to pay for a storage facility as we thought we would need to. We have been overwhelmed with the number of offers to help move, pack, clean, lift, etc. It has been a tremendous blessing for which we are immensely grateful. In the midst of all the challenges and stresses that we have been facing, it is a blessing to see these bright rays breaking through the storm clouds.

And we are thankful for you! So many of you have shared how you have been reading and enjoying the blog! It is an encouragement to know someone is reading what we right…and hopefully even getting some comic relief from our chaos! Thank you for your prayers and very kind words! We are thankful for you!

Our jigsaw puzzle of life right now is incredibly complex. But thankfully the Lord knows exactly where each piece belongs and one at a time, in His good timing, He is place each piece into place. And one day we will be able to look back and see the masterpiece from what felt like absolute turmoil.

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Some Light at the End of the Tunnel

LS

This past week we managed to get a hopeful glimmer of light at what we pray is the end of the citizenship tunnel. Our lawyer was able to transfer our N600-K applications to California. She indicated the USCIS office there was already beginning to review the application. This certainly was hopeful, especially when she indicated that our requested appointment date of October should be very doable.

We are very thankful to have some ballpark dates to be aiming for as it will allow us to also begin making plans for the 6 month window we will have to be stateside. Of course, there are all kinds of ways that things can go wrong and we are somewhat scarred from our experience thus far. However, even if things don’t go as quickly as the lawyer suggested, the official case adjudication time frame for 80% of applications is 6 months. That is significantly faster than the 65 months St. Louis is now quoting and will fall within the 6 month tourist visa timeframe for Scotland.

All of this is the first glimmer of light we have seen in a long time. We are still praying for the hand of the Lord to continue to guide everything and would be most grateful if you would be praying for this too. We still have many things to figure out and, as we have learned very well over the last few months, nothing is official until we get an official notice. The next step is seeing where in Scotland we can be of most help, travelling there in mid July, awaiting the official citizenship hearing date, applying for B2 (non-immigration) visas, and then travelling to the states. Although it is just a glimmer, having some light at the end of the tunnel is a great blessing especially when the tunnel has seemed to be unending. We are thankful for the Lord’s work and kindness and pray He will continue to allow the N600-K applications to move forward.

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Charting a Course

LS

Navigation requires having a plan, charting a course, and then preparing for chaos on the open seas. After much prayer, careful consideration, and discussion, we have a course heading in the midst of the tempest we seem stuck in. Of the two options, neither of which was great, we have decided to set sail for the UK where we can enter on a 6 month tourist visa (both nationalities) and prayerfully see the N600-K citizenship process come to completion in that time frame.

Now that we have a heading, the work of getting underway begins in earnest. We can start to fix dates and work backwards. Several friends of offered to help with storage, many more offered to help in any way needed. MTW is working to help us get set up and for Luke to pulpit supply in a church with a pastoral vacancy. We can begin looking into concrete travel plans, make arrangements for handing over the house, canceling various services, and brining this time in Germany to a close.

There are still significant hurdles in our path. The N600-K average wait time in St. Louis was recently updated to 65 months. It is absolutely inconceivable to us how 8.5 months can suddenly jump to 65 months…or why a process only designed for adoptive children of US citizens who live overseas would take 65 months to complete even in the worst of settings. We are hoping our lawyer can help us refile in a different city with a shorter wait time (which we have to believe is pretty much every other city) and to push for a fast completion. However, even with that we will be resetting the time clock as a transfer will lose any progress thus far. The bright side is that with a 65 month wait time, we are relatively certain nothing has been done with our case in St. Louis and so we likely aren’t actually losing any time.

We are also still in process for the Brazilian passport renewal. We need these passports to come back so that we can apply for the electronic travel permission to enter the UK. Thankfully that is a relatively straightforward and quick process, but we would like to be able to wrap that up as soon as possible and have one less thing hanging over our heads. Based on estimated timelines of 6 weeks, this would put us pretty close to the beginning of July, cutting things a bit tighter than ideal.

As you can see, we still have plenty of prayer topics and things we are trusting the Lord with. The waters do not look smooth at all and we anticipate storms ahead. However, we are thankful to have a course heading, it means we can raise the anchor and start setting off. Though we don’t know how the journey will play out, we do know the One who controls it all – and we are thankful to be in His hands.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart…and though we know that, we do feel like this journey has been even more tumultuous than “standard”. But then again, none of our adoption journeys have gone even close to plan or “standard”. Thankfully God is sovereign even when things are not “standard”.

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When it all Comes Flooding Back

LS

Do you remember your feelings as you first starting gaining independency? The first time you were left at home by yourself? Perhaps you were nervous and yet still somewhat excited. Maybe you were worried a bit about how it would go, but still thrilled to finally be old enough.

Recently we had a situation where Luke was running as fast as possible to get the weekly shopping done, but a dental appointment that was moved up meant that Michelle needed to leave before Luke could make it back. We had a plan, it was just going to be 10 minutes. Lunch would get started just as Michelle left, they wouldn’t finish before Luke arrived back. A small step of independency with kids who are all old enough for most families to have no concern about this.

And yet, ours is not an ordinary family. We were both independently worried that this might not go over well with the kids. You see, most kids are eager for this stage of independence and to show their maturity. However, ours are not most kids. Then it happened – a temper flared from one child to another as mom was trying to get out the door. This was quickly addressed and then there was running to catch the bus. Luke arrived home less than 10 minutes later. The kids didn’t even have time to leave the table from lunch. Yet, all of them poured out the door to both let Luke know they were home alone and to help with the groceries (which, like many families, is a bit unusual unprompted).

Then there was the aftermath. Lunch was finished, but there was unquestionably a tremendous amount of nervous energy. One child couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at things that really weren’t funny. Another child was on edge. One was unable to sit still and another was non-stop talking about nonsensical things. Watermelon was added to the lunch before chips…it slowed all the kids down as Luke also tried to address and draw to their attention that their hyperactive state was likely due to being briefly alone, but now was a time to calm down especially since they were along no longer.

What was happening? Well, one child continued to be struggling with his attitude days afterwards. As this was addressed, the answer came out. It was what we had already suspected, but was then confirmed. Being left alone, brief as it was, as much as we did everything to assure them it was short, they had an activity, and dad was on his way back, triggered something. It triggered a past and the trouble with triggers is that it all comes flooding back. This particular type of independency was not filled with excitement or thrill…other types have been…but this one brought back a nightmare.

Unfortunately, not knowing exactly what happened in the past means that, while we can guess what might trigger, we can’t always know for sure. Furthermore, life happens sometimes and as much as we try to guard against them, some triggers are unavoidable. And when it all comes flooding back, behavior changes without realization. And sometimes we don’t realize it either. This can make addressing behavioral issues a bit of a puzzle. If it is caused by a trigger, simply clamping down on the behavior won’t fix the problem and might actually cause more damage. Thankfully, in this instance, we were able to see the dots connect and open the door to discuss the trigger event. Opening up will likely take years. Just a tiny crack happened, but it was a chance to reassure that we are here, would love to listen, want to help, and yet the story is not our own and so when they are ready and only then should they feel free to share.

One baby step at a time to try to help do post flooding damage control. Thankfully the Lord brings healing even to the most flooded of places.

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Hitting Empty

LS

There are many interesting things that you learn when you live in another country. There are different values and things which are considered to be “normal”. One of those interesting aspects of life in Germany is that there are a few laws which are different from other places. It is illegal in Germany to run out of gas on the Autobahn. Besides leaving you stranded, you can face serious fines if your gas tank hits empty. There is a value here on not causing harm to other drivers or causing a potentially dangerous situation for other cars who are not expecting a stranded car on a highway with no speed limits. One reason why cars have warnings that flash before the tank hits empty is to avoid damage to the vehicle or a situation of being stranded.

However, what happens to us when our emotional tanks hit empty? Our lives feel a bit like the Autobahn – things are speeding around at a million miles an hour. And in an attempt to keep up with it all and to care for so many new people, we can ignore the warning signs and convince ourselves we can make it just a bit longer. This can be especially true with children who have a higher level of emotional needs. Trying to help them regulate takes a lot of emotional energy and can drain the tank much faster.

Thankfully and by the grace of God, we have managed to avoid having both of us hit empty at the same time. And while it often feels like we are living in the danger zone with warnings going off, we have had several instances over the past several months where one of us hit emotional empty. The unfortunate aspect of this is that the cars in our lives don’t slow down. In fact, it often seems like they begin zipping by at a more alarming rate. Children don’t necessarily understand emotional energy levels or how to read the gauges. In fact, what can happen with those who have been through trauma is that emotional changes can trigger things. Emotional changes may have signified danger just around the corner or brought about major pain.

Triggered kids can look and act very different. One child might feed off the emotion and become more emotional themselves. Stubbornness kicks in at a much higher rate. Pressing buttons goes into overdrive. Being uncooperative suddenly becomes almost a game. Another might suddenly begin attempting to micro analyze emotions – asking every few hours if you are angry or sad and not being willing to accept your answers. Or suddenly become more clingy when you actually need more space. Of course, the hard irony of all of this is that it becomes a negative feedback cycle. Triggered kids take more energy to handle and to attempt to regulate, but energy is the very thing that you lack and can’t seem to recover. And when the tank is completely drained, there is nothing left to give. Of course, the other problem is that when there is nothing left damage can occur and it takes longer to repair and recover.

All this means that there can be collateral damage and negative feedback cycles can be hard to break. The Lord has given us two for a reason and surrounded us with a whole team of people. Your prayers, messages, calls, helping out, bringing things, are all seemingly little actions which can have a huge impact. It is amazing how much of a boost a little fuel can give to a tank that is drained or almost so. You never know exactly where the people around you are on their emotional reserves. By God’s grace when one of us has hit empty the other has managed to step in. Of course this means that there is an even greater emotional drain on that person and its not always easy to help divert triggers. This is where the grace of the Lord can be most clearly demonstrated. We need His grace with each other so often, with our kids, and with ourselves. It also gives room to demonstrate humility and teach our kids that even parents have hard days and fail at times. Thankfully the Lord even uses that in a way that only He can do.

And there are mercies that are new each day – even for cars that are running on fumes and with warning bells going off. The Lord provides the needed strength and uses His people to help sustain those who are struggle to keep their heads above the surface of the water.

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The Mysteries of Life

LS

Life is quite mysterious in many different ways. It is even more mysterious when we parachute into the middle of the story. This means that we have skipped the introduciton and the opening chapters. However, we are priviledged to be a part of writing the middle and altering the potential endings.

Like with many other things related to adoption, many of these things are universally true of children – just with a few additional wrinkles and somewhat on steroids. One of the mysteries of life which all parents can relate to is why do children get a boost of super hyperjuice when they are tired? And when and why does that change to an exhausted drain of all levels of energy as an adult? It seems that the end of each day has us struggle to just finish out whereas our kids are suddenly bouncing off the walls. In fact it can feel very much like the sugar high rush that parents fear from this time of year. However, the difference is that sugar is usually not the culprit. Instead, it is the product of children who are in a state of being wound up too tightly. For them, living in a heightened state of stress, fear, anxiety, and fight or flight syndrome means that the end of the day can often look like energetic crash. Interestingly enough mom and dad are (hopefully) temporary experiencing a similar thing…but rather than an energy fuel ours looks more like a rapid energy dump. In fact, if anyone could bottle what kids experience, they could make a serious dime replacing energy drinks with a rush far superior.

Another of the mysteries of life is the constantly changing interests. It is almost as if our kids become hyper fixated on a few particular things when then suddenly seem to drop out of favor randomly. The first month it was going to the park every day and now it is playing in our yard and almost never going to the park. Certain fruits and vegetables are in high demand and then suddenly they start piling up from lack of interest. It is understandable that in a world of constantly changing factors, adoptive kids will latch onto the familiar with an almost death like grip. With time, these things will lose their appeal and be replaced or as trust and time pass by, simply be held more loosely.

Now all of this likely sound familiar if you have had experience with kids. But what might not be so familiar is seeing this amongst children who range in age from 9-almost 15. Normally these things are present in children about half that age range in strong doses. This shows how adoptive children are often emotionally and socially years behind their biological age. Age simply is a number which cannot be held onto too tightly with adoption. It means we need to carefully temper our expectations. This also means that we are constantly on the look out to try to gain clues as to where are children are, what might be triggering them, and how to help them make up for lost ground.

Thankfully the Lord continues to uphold us and give us the strength we need. We are also so thankful to see signs of kids getting more comfortable and established. Little indications that their shields are dropping just a bit. The loss that is the cause of all adoptive stories takes serious time to heal. Children learn to cover up pains and hide emotions. Well meaning people think and speak about how wonderful their life is now and how grateful they must be…and they are. But this can add to the layers of cover up and feeling that releasing negative emotions is not allowed. This can cause a stuffing and ignoring the hurt, pain, and significant loss that brings a child to the point of adoption. Time and patiently building trust are some of the greatest tools in this journey. And the mysteries remain of what lies behind the massive question mark that exists before we entered the scene. Thankfully there are no question marks for the Lord and He knows every detail. And we trust He is working to bring about healing, bonding, attachment, and redemption.

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Giving Thanks

LS

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

One of the many aspects of living in another country is that country specific holidays have a very different feel to them. Thanksgiving is a great example. It is a holiday of great importance within the United States. Friends, family, food, and time off are all a few characteristic features. However, in Germany, Thanksgiving is not a reality. Work and school take place as normal. It is not as easy to find the same traditional foods and family live too far away.

For our kids this has an additional impact. Often labeled as third culture kids, children of those living overseas grow up between two worlds. They don’t fully identify with either culture because there are aspects that are missing from both. While we do try to incorporate things as best as we can, it really isn’t possible to fully replicate them.

Yet, one of the things we certainly do hope to pass on in a heart that is focused on thankfulness for the many blessings we have received. We have seen the Lord do so much in our lives. In such a short time, we have experienced personal change, family change, and many other remarkable changes – the benefit of living in the pressure cooker of sanctification for a season. We are thankful for the remarkable developments and bondings we have already witnessed take place in our family. The journey is very far from over (it is really still at the starting line), but the initial few steps have been in the right direction. This is only due to the grace and kindness of God.

We are also so thankful for the remarkable care we have received from MICC. One of the reasons we opted to return to Munich following the adoption was the community we were surrounded by. Yet, we have to say that even our greatest expectations have been exceeded. We have had people checking in on us, sending us encouraging messages, taking time to talk and listen (especially helpful when hard days seem unending), gift cards given, clothing (to where we are now out of space) donated, cars loaned, cleaning services, organizational help, flexibility with ministry, groceries given, extra eyes on kids, translation services, and so many more things. It has been unbelievable how much help has been pouring in and undoubtedly the road would have been immensely more difficult without this. We are so thankful for all the ways we have seen the hand of the Lord at work through the people of the Lord.

We are also thankful for our family. The Lord has put each person into our family in a special way – one not without serious challenges and difficulties, but one which is unique and handcrafted. We praise Him that He is a God who redeems, who rescues, who is patient, who is gracious, and who adopts His children. We pray that we can reflect Him to our adopted children.

Recently one child wrote a thank you card which included the statement – thank you for adopting me. We are thankful daily for the Lord adopting us and we are thankful that He has provided the opportunity for us to adopt others. There are still plenty of difficulties that we face and will face, but we do hope and pray that thankfulness will undergird our path. The Lord is gracious and He is good, His mercies are never ceasing and are new every morning.

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It’s the Little Things

LS

When it comes to the state of our lives right now, it’s the little things that count. And amazingly, the little things seem to count in both directions.

It’s the little things that can push us over the edge. Perhaps it is because we often don’t see those things coming. The big things sometimes seem more predictable in terms of bracing for impact. And it seems like the little things come in more of a rapid succession. How often do you have to tell people to turn off the lights before they will start to remember? How often can things be hidden as a “joke” before it is no longer thought to be funny? How many times can scissors seem to disappear and then other things end up decapitated? How often can the things which get under our skin keep driving us up the wall?

And in the midst of the little things it seems like there is a little lack of logic…but it does at least provide some comic relief. Or perhaps it is laugh instead of cry? Kids racing up right after dinner and then fighting over who is first to brush their teeth. Mind you, this is not because they actually care about dental hygiene. Rather it is because they don’t want to be the last person who then has to turn off all the lights. The laugh/cry part of the logic for us? If they would just recall to turn the lights off right away (the subject of which seems to be on the forefront of their minds already), it wouldn’t take hardly any more effort or time. Or the protestation from an upset child who on investigation is angry because another child is “antagonizing” them. The antagonization? The one child is declaring that they will eat all the pineapple. Now mind you, the pineapple was already dished out on everyone’s plates and everyone had an equal amount. And so we are struggling to figure out why such a bold claim even is bothersome since it obviously can’t be true.

But it’s the little things that that we also hold onto. The little baby steps in the right direction. The small times when a child remembers that going into a dramatic display over a disappointment won’t help them and actually leaves mom and dad more stressed. So instead, they stop mid step and reverse direction. Or the little action of seeking to be helpful or at least a little less stubborn. It is the little things we hold onto…the ones that seem few and far between.

We are still just managing to make to to the end of each day. And we are still getting asked multiple times a day if we are sad, angry, or tired (indications of emotions that have been deeply impactful in past histories). But God is still graciously sustaining us and He is using His local body in amazing ways to do so. We continue to be the beneficiary of so many who call, write, ask, show up, help, care, and loan. And the little things along with the little steps are ever so slowly taking us in the right direction.

We still have a lot of prayer requests and things we are trusting the Lord with – the schooling situation for this year is still not clear and appeals will still need to be launched. Residence permits still have to be applied for which will involve more explanations and complications. But we are thankful that the registration with the local city was finally completed. The citizenship process with the US is still underway with no news surfacing…but we trust God is working through that. Thank you for praying with us! We are thankful that though we don’t seem to know anything, we serve a God who knows everything.

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Fish Tank

LS

Life has felt a bit like a fish tank recently. Fish tanks are interesting because we like to peer in them to study the continents. Except that we aren’t so much looking in as feeling like the ones being examined. Some of this is by design and we are thankful for it. Our desire has been to be as transparent as possible in sharing our adoption. It is our hope to encourage others through the failures and successes, to help others gain insights into the highs and lows of adoption, and most importantly, to point everyone to our glorious God who adopts us and sustains us through this journey. This fish tank is one which we hope will be a blessing to you and encourage you to possibly consider adoption, care for those adopting, and develop a heart for the fatherless.

However, there is another type of fish tank we find ourselves swimming in. Although this likely happens with all ages, one of the interesting aspects of adopting older children is that communication is involved in a way it wasn’t with Elijah. All adoptive children enter into adoption carrying an enormous amount of baggage. The lives lived have significantly altered the way that they see and experience the world. This also impacts drastically the way they build or struggle to build relationships.

Repeatedly over the course of the last few weeks our kids have been studying us to carefully analyze our swimming patterns. The underlying question is how safe is the water? Are there sharks? Are these parents the same as our past experiences? It shows up in different ways from each child. Some of it is observation and hesitation. Some of it shows up in questions being asked of us. Questions like – are you sad? Are you tired? Are you angry? And not just once or twice, but in some cases multiple times a day. No matter what the answer is, there is skepticism in follow up. Statements such as you look happier in these pictures before you adopted us indicate the underlying uncertainties and fears that still exist.

Of course, the hard part of being in a fish tank is that the swimming space can feel very constricted. None of us are perfect and being in pressure cookers and under microscopic examination with constantly rising tensions, the pots do boil over. On the one hand this means that failures, even minor ones, can have a significantly larger impact. Trust has to be built and for those who have only experienced it broken have walls erected that first have to be slowly brought down brick by brick. That is before anything can even hope to be built back up. The concept of walking on eggshells can feel very real for adoptive parents, who are trying very hard not to trigger past trauma without knowing where all the mines are buried.

On the other hand, when failures do occur, and due to sinful natures they eventually will, it provides an opportunity. There is a chance to try to correct wrong reactions that are engrained into the memories of kids. They get to see how we handle our failures even as we are trying to help them learn how to approach their issues. Because it isn’t just that we are being micro-examined, it is that sometimes we are being experimented upon to see how we react. Some of this is intentional, but a good bit is unintentional learned habits and patterns. Unfortunately, we don’t always play the guinea pig as well as we ought to. And our emotional tanks seem to get drained very day…multiple times…and the reserves are somewhere in the rearview mirror…very distantly.

Yet, isn’t it a blessing that the Lord redeems situations that are failures. Thankfully He is sanctifying us and teaching us how to help our children reestablish trust…it is a long term project…very long term…but each step gets us one step closer. And your prayers are a tremendous blessing. We need them and can testify that the Lord is graciously working through them.