Tag: christianity

God is truly an incredible Designer. All you have to do is look around in nature to see beauty of the most spectacular sort. We are surrounded by it in rolling hills, the sound of seagulls, the lush green of pastures, the bleating of lambs, the view of the seashore. But it isn’t just creation, it is how He has designed us as creatures. Our bodies are a wonderous mystery…something that has been the subject of study and curiosity for several thousands of years and we still have failed to uncover all the mysteries of the human body.

All you have to do to get a small taste of this is to consider how much our body does at a subconscious level. You have a whole military defense unit which is operating apart from your awareness. You have alarm systems and emergency mechanisms which automatically kick into place when they are triggered. None of this occurs with deliberate engagement on your part, these are all systems which are put into place to protect us from imminent danger.

These responses of ours are so well tuned and honed, that studying them can yield a wealth of ideas for how to design other such response systems which can be practically employed. We are most grateful for these things especially when emergencies are upon us. The ability to react in a split second without thought can be the difference between life and death.

However, as marvelous as these things are, trouble can arise when our responses get tested in ways they never should or when they get stuck in the on position for too long or too often. They weren’t designed for such action and, as studying God’s creation has shown, every action has an opposite and equal reaction. Leaving an emergency defense system designed to rapidly burn energy in order to produce hyperawareness, hyperresponse, and hyperaction on or flipping the switch too frequently is akin to revving a car engine without respite. A few times won’t cause much harm, but overuse will lead to burn out or engine failure.

This is where trauma can enter in and make a horrible mess out of a glorious design. This is especially true when it comes to children as it interrupts the programing years, the years of development, the years in which it is easiest to impact the systems in place. Imagine a child who has faced a serious threat or a devastating loss. You have likely had this happen to you – how long did it take you to recover? What did your body do to defend itself or rejuvenate itself? That is after years of having established solid foundations. But what might that look like if you never were able to establish any secure foundations? And what would it look like if this wasn’t a one time occurrence, but repetitive?

As you might imagine, this might lead to your body developing certain defense mechanisms, survival tactics, and lifestyle routines which you aren’t cognizantly aware of or fully understanding. This might simply seem normal to you or the way you have always been and you don’t know any differently. This means you wouldn’t be able to explain it, address it, reprogram it, or heal from it.

This is where things can get really tricky, really fast. Now these are not things unique to adoption and not all adoptive kids have this or have it to the same extent. But they are more likely to be a part of an adoption story especially since all adoptions begin with some level of loss…how high that level is can very greatly, but all of them begin with loss of biological family minimally. For adoptive parents, this is where life can feel like a massive jigsaw puzzle with no box top to help guide the way.

Are outbursts simply a “normal” response or are they due to hidden traumas that have developed mechanisms which are getting triggered by something? Is compulsive behavior mischievousness or masking a survival technique? Is sleeping without waking rested due to growth, hormones, stage of life, or is it a sign of a body which is unable to fully rest because it has been stuck in hyperalert mode due to ever present dangers?

As you might imagine, the way one answers these questions can drastically impact the approach one takes to resolving them. If I know my child is simply going through a stage of life or something particularly stressful, I might respond by trying to resolve the immediate issue at hand – fatigue, emotional imbalance, etc. However, if this is an unconscious response programmed in, it means that simply treating the symptoms won’t actually fix the issue and might leave it either unresolved or reinforce the danger of dealing with the root issues.

The body has a hidden memory system that stores, files, analyzes, and on that basis adjusts, defends, programs, builds. And this points to God’s marvelous design…even our best efforts haven’t been able to match this yet! But it also means that our bodies might remember and react to that which we aren’t aware of any more or have actually subconsciously blocked out of memory (another amazing ability to attempt to self heal).

With the passage of time, patterns start to slowly emerge and behavioral norms are getting more established. This helps us to start to see what might be biological, what might be temporal, and what might be traumatic. But, that being said, we often feel like we are fumbling about in the dark trying to locate any small glimmer of light without tripping over anything or accidentally destroying any fragile elements. Prayers are much needed and very, very much appreciated.

And we are thankful for the amazing support of so many! The ongoing prayers are sustaining us in ways you will likely never know and ways we don’t even fully see (although what we do see leaves us in humble gratitude). People taking time to check in on us and see how we are doing…who want to listen and empathize. An adoption agency who has been phenomenally supportive, overflowing with resources, and a social worker who has been incredibly encouraging, praying for us, and caring for us all. Friends and mentors who are willing to drop everything and spend hours with us, letting us verbally (and emotionally) vomit. And the Lord directing us through other to very helpful resources: The Bible…which not only upholds us, guides us, but also keeps proving to be the greatest wisdom applicable to every situation; learning through exposure…there is so much we are finding our kids teaching us (even though they have no clue), curiosity and patient examination yields some remarkable observations, outcomes, and insights…and other resources from those who have also studied or walked a similar road (The Connected Child or our most recent acquisition The Body Keeps the Score). Thank you for caring for us as we seek to do our best, despite our own weaknesses and failings, to care for God’s fearfully and wonderfully made image bearers.

Finally, as a tagline bonus (especially if you made it this far) – this past Sunday we were blessed to join the Dornoch Free Church of Scotland. If you are curious to see how worship styles and liturgies can differ even amongst churches in the same denomination only half an hour apart, feel free to check this out:

Being in Scotland for just short of 2 weeks has given us time to contemplate and gain some new perspectives. There are many things we can and will share…oh if we were just back in the days of getting paid by the word like Charles Dickens (which makes sense why he was so elaborate in descriptions!), we would be millionaires! But instead we get to share our random thoughts that you so kindly read 🙂

As we have been settling in we have really loved getting to know the church community here. We have only just begun to scratch the surface of getting to know people and histories, but already we have been very blessed. One of the interesting things this has caused us to think about is the small church dynamic and the often unforeseen challenges.

The Christian world is often more influenced by secular values than we care to admit. Like the frog in the pot, the temperature rises without us realizing we are boiling alive in our cultures. Living overseas already has offered us many new perspectives on this aspect. But now moving to a small church community is giving us more perspectives to think upon.

You see, the small church dynamic illustrates a typical problem to which answers are very few. The church at Hilton has been looking for an assistant minister for several years with no luck. The hope is to find someone who would eventually be able to take over as the senior pastor of Hilton once the church has reached a self sustaining size (and it isn’t far off now). But, as several of the elders shared with us, the challenge is to find anyone at all. Seminary graduates are often prime candidates for such positions. However, many of them are not really interested in moving far off the beaten path and strongly pursue opportunities in larger cities. Indeed, even getting someone out for an internship is hard and although the internship model is a great way to train and to field future ministers, it primarily benefits churches large enough to be able to host interns.

Furthermore, many seminary graduates are now looking for younger churches with university students. One reason is because these are the types of churches they have been attending lately and are comfortable with. And a location like Hilton, in the Scottish Highlands, has a reputation for being more traditional and conservative (and in many ways it is…but there is actually someone refreshing about that for us and much to admire and learn from).

Getting help beyond national candidates is just as hard for small churches. Missions groups are typically focusing on larger cities. The argument used to justify this is that we need to send people the most strategic locations. The way we define this is places where there is a maximal opportunity for impact. This means larger cities and certainly moves small, country churches to the bottom of the priority list.

Please don’t misunderstand this – this is not a diatribe against being strategic or against targeting larger cities. We certainly need to do that. But interestingly enough, Scripture doesn’t ever give any such mandates or even guidelines for this. In fact, much of our strategic convictions arise from secular models and approaches. You can certainly find examples of people planting churches in Scripture in large and flourishing places with a big impact. But you can also find examples of God sending messengers to places where they have little to no impact. Isaiah, Ezekiel, and Jeremiah are all illustrations of prophets who, by worldly measures had very little impact and were not strategic. No one listened to them, they didn’t have followings, their “fruit” was nonexistent. Yet, they are faithful to a call. Because of this, they are having an impact on generations to come and their inspired writings are being used by the Holy Spirit to transform lives.

Perhaps we simply need to consider rethinking things a bit. Maybe we should target the big cities, see large, flourishing churches established, while also equally emphasizing the small gatherings. The Lord has some amazing people at Hilton, who are very passionate for the Lord and His Word. They too need an undershepherd who will care for them and lead them to the Shepherd. Prayerfully the Lord will raise up the right person in a short time. But maybe we can also seek to encourage up and coming pastors to have a heart for the small flocks, not just eyes on numbers. Maybe we can compel missions boards to seek to also prioritize the smaller villages and not just be concerned about statistical advances. Maybe this is the Lord preparing us, in His kindness and mercy, for church planting in Innsbruck….or maybe He closes doors and opens others. But in the meantime, we are so thankful to have the privilege and the honor of getting to serve and being served by the glorious fold of the Great Shepherd gathered twice on Sundays and throughout the week at the Seaboard Village of Hilton in the Scottish Highlands. Won’t you join us in praying for them? In praying for their needs and for the Lord to bring along a pastor?

And, if you are curious to experience a service, you can find the link to the full evening service Luke was blessed to preach at here…and we hope you will be as blessed as we have been to experience singing the Psalms!

After several days of travel, we were thankful to arrive at our next stop. We were able to break the trip up over several days, going from Munich to a small city close to Dusseldorf and Cologne on Tuesday. On Wednesday we drove the remaining distance to the wharfs just outside of Amsterdam. We were able to have lunch in view of Schiphol International Airport before spending some time at a ruin castle and then continuing onto our ferry. Wednesday late afternoon we boarded the ferry, enjoyed dinner aboard, didn’t realize that the sea sickness medication would hit us just afterward like a sledgehammer (or perhaps it was a week of hectic packing and cleaning?), and then slept well before breakfast and disembarking. Then on Thursday we drove the remaining distance, arriving early evening at our new home.

We were so thankful to be greeted by a warm meal delivered and another meal in the fridge. Both of these we unexpected blessings along with the fruit, dry goods, toys, and other things that were graciously brought to the Manse we are staying in. After all the travel, it was amazing to be blessed in this way by a church community we haven’t had a chance to meet in person yet. The Body of Christ in action is such an enormous blessing and a tremendous encouragement…especially to weary travelers (from the physical roads and the spiritual roads).

The tiny village we are staying in is a sea coastal town which can be walked end to end in a few minutes. The views are gorgeous, the Manse is spacious (larger than our now former home), the yard is very large (much to the delight of World Cup frenzied kids), and the wind is quite stiff. We are thankful for and very excited to see what new adventures the Lord has in store for us.

Today we travelled to a nearby larger town to celebrate our 11th anniversary by getting lunch as a family and wandering around to explore. There is nothing more romantic than fish and chips while keeping kids under control, but we are so thankful for the life the Lord has blessed us with. It is incredible to think about what has happened in the last 11 years.

• We have made two international house moves
• We have lived for more than a month in 5 different countries on 3 different continents
• We have been blessed to adopt 5 kids
• We have changed missions boards to focus on a different aspect of ministry and seen the Lord open the doors for ministry in 3 countries, with a 4th on the horizon
• We have seen the Lord open the doors for teaching in Europe and beyond, getting connected to India and what God is doing there
• We have watched as God threw us into pastoral ministry and then gave us a heart to see this have a permanent place in our future ministry role

We could list and name so many more things! Learning languages, learning cultures, learning trauma, learning how what we think is stressful can seem like a piece of cake by comparison with what God brings later. But above all, we have learned how faithful, gracious, and sovereign the Lord is. If you had told us even half of this 11 years ago, we would have laughed it off as ridiculous or maybe been more hesitant about starting down the journey. Yet, reflecting back, we can see how the Lord has prepared us for the next step and slowly, kindly led us through every storm. The seas have certainly not been calm and stiff breezes have been a constant. But the Lord has anchored us all the way through.

Even our current tempest is being used by Him for His glory and our good. It leaves us excited to think what He will do in us even as we pray He is pleased to do things through us.

We are currently surrounded by boxes and incredible chaos. It seems that the more you try to pack the more things get cluttered. It makes it hard to see the progress, although we are hoping we are getting near to the end.

In the midst of the chaos of moving, we are also trying to help those impacted by the chaos of the move. We have shared different aspects of trying to help children regulate. It is not a one time thing either. It is more like a daily, moment by moment type of thing. There is a ton which we have learned through this and many things that can be shared.

One of the many things that has come out of this has been the chance to talk with our kids about their past. Transitions often bring about regression especially amongst adoptive children. While all children will get stressed and perhaps revert back to some former habits, adoptive children can almost seem to move years backwards rather than just steps. Part of this has to do with transitions bringing the past back to the forefront. This can resurface dramas and hardships. It can make it hard to work through and resolve without first travelling backward in time to understand, as best as possible.

Fortunately, some of our kids habe been willing to travel back in time with us and give us some small glimpses of the past. Their story is theirs to tell and ours to guard until they do. However, suffice to say that it is not a pleasant journey either for the story teller or the audience. Multiple of them have had trouble thinking about anything positive, even the smallest positive thing about their life before the orphanage. In their words, there was nothing positive about this part of their past.

Recently, one of them was talking and the question came up about what is something they would change about their past, if possible. The most negative aspects and individuals were the quick, easy, and anticipated answer. But what was not so anticipated was what came next. The child paused for a second and then said, “But then again, if those things hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met you all and you wouldn’t have adopted me.” Given their story and the darkness surrounding it, this was a remarkable thought to have come out unprompted.

The amazing thought can be summarized with the word redemption. Redemption means to buy back something which was lost. It is the image of a possession sold to settle a debt or provide needed funds that is then repurchased by the original owner. A child experienced a life no one should ever have to endure, lost a family that should have been and sadly never was, and yet, through all the tragedy, is able to see how the Lord works through sin to bring about His purposes and His purposes for His own are good. It provided a great chance to share about how God is able to take pain and sin, and redeem what was lost in a glorious finale that none other could produce or even imagine.

This is the story of all of God’s adoptive children – we were lost in our sins and trespasses. Our darkness was our own making. Yet, God in His kindness did not leave us in our darkness. Rather, He stepped in, invaded with His light, and redeemed His own…bought them back, and brought them into a family.

This isn’t to say the darkness is excusable or that it is easy to say, share, hear, or feel. It is wrong and always will be. Yet, it is to say that even as evil as sin can be, God can bring about something good – not because of, but in spite of the best attempts of the darkness. Because God is a God who redeems. And that is a glorious truth worth celebrating even as the darkness is mourned over. Praise God for His redemptive work!

Now…about those boxes…perhaps something else needs some redemption…

Although it has been coming down to the wire and it seems like a million things have been changing at the last possible second, the pieces are slowly beginning to fall into place. We were very thankful to discover the Brazilian passports in our mailbox today. This is one piece that allows us to breathe a bit easier and to start the application process for the electronic travel authorization required to visit the UK. We were so thankful for all the help we received from friends who walked us through this process, helped us fix the tax number complications, and helped us email the consulate to request the passports due to our approaching deadline to leave.

Another piece that has fallen into place recently is a location in Scotland opening up. We have learned that the area of Fearn, Scotland has a Free Church that could use some help and that also has a manse that we can stay in for the duration of our time there. There are still plenty of details to be discussed – exactly in what way we can best minister to and serve the congregation there, the address of the manse, etc. But we are thankful to have a general vicinity at this stage. Fearn is about 45 minutes by car north of Inverness, one of the northernmost large cities in Scotland. We have been incredibly thankful for all the help and support that we have received from MTW in coordinating this and getting things set up.

We are also thankful to have been able to finish out our time at MICC well – more to come on that in a later post. We were incredibly thankful for the send off, the warm and emotional goodbyes, the very kind words and thoughts, and the chance to rejoice together in all that the Lord has done. Today we were grateful to take part in a wedding as our final event with MICC. The Lord has put all the pieces in place for them to continue moving forward well and for that we rejoice greatly. We are thankful for the leadership He has blessed the church with and we are excited to see how He works through the new senior pastor to bless this special congregation.

Pieces are also falling into place with moving. We have been so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with storage options generously donated to us – so much so that we don’t have to pay for a storage facility as we thought we would need to. We have been overwhelmed with the number of offers to help move, pack, clean, lift, etc. It has been a tremendous blessing for which we are immensely grateful. In the midst of all the challenges and stresses that we have been facing, it is a blessing to see these bright rays breaking through the storm clouds.

And we are thankful for you! So many of you have shared how you have been reading and enjoying the blog! It is an encouragement to know someone is reading what we right…and hopefully even getting some comic relief from our chaos! Thank you for your prayers and very kind words! We are thankful for you!

Our jigsaw puzzle of life right now is incredibly complex. But thankfully the Lord knows exactly where each piece belongs and one at a time, in His good timing, He is place each piece into place. And one day we will be able to look back and see the masterpiece from what felt like absolute turmoil.

It was a true joy for us to be back in fellowship at our local church in Munich. There is an indescribable joy in being in the presence of fellow believers – perhaps this is one aspect of what Christ means when He tells us that the Sabbath was made for man. Gathering together for worship breathes life into weary souls. And to say we haven’t been weary souls would be to simply put a mask on reality. The return to Germany has not been easy. For all the difficulties we face in Brazil, having dedicated time and dedicated finances intended to help facilitate bonding has been an incredible blessing. Having done two adoptions now, we are very thankful for the time requirement in Brazil. Even though it adds a lot of additional finances and puts a strain on holiday time, there is really a lot to be said for focusing so much attention on family without anything else interrupting. Ironically enough, our first adoption was almost as long in country, but under very different circumstances. Luke was there alone for most of the time and it was under the stress of not knowing when we would get residence permit approval to be able to leave. It was a blessing to be together in Brazil and to have these weeks set aside just for this purpose.

That being said, it does make transitions much more difficult. We spent a lot of time together and suddenly kids are having to adjust to not having dedicated attention by parents. There was freedom to do what we wanted, to focus on engaging with our kids and building memories. Suddenly that freedom doesn’t exist as easily – there are household chores, yardwork, work responsibilities, etc. From a child’s perspective this must feel like being dropped into the deep end of the swimming pool. The level of change these children have faced over the last 2 months is quite astonishing – it is more than many people face over the span of several years. Moving countries, leaving everything behind, facing everything new, and then to do it with changing family structure and dynamics. You might imagine how hard that could be especially when you mix in time changes.

With all of this happening, we felt like we were somewhat limping into church this morning. Yet, even getting there was filled with acts of generosity and grace: a loaned car that allowed us to drive when Munich decided to do massive renovation work on public transportation, a willing translator who sacrificed his Sunday to help kids understand the sermon, a housewarming set of groceries and food, an impromptu ride home for Luke, additional clothing and gifts. Our emotional tanks were more than a little drained because trying to care for kids can often mean setting aside caring for yourself. The transition has not just been hard for little ones, but big ones too. Resuming workloads is always difficult – this is why Mondays are stereotypically dreaded. Yet, through it all, the Lord’s sustenance continues to be visible and today it was on full display through His people. We are so thankful for how He provides for us, cares for us, and lifts us up – and we are thankful He does that through you all.

What a joy it was to see so many and how that helped us walk through the fog of the transition. The number of people spending time with us, seeking to care for us, praying for us, and encouraging us has been a blessing. We are thankful.

Difficult days lie ahead and difficult days lie behind. Every transition involves setbacks and the feeling of spinning wheels. With time, traction is regained. And in the midst, it is a blessing to be surrounded by a wonderful community – both those near and those far. The many wonderful remarks to these posts have been uplifting, the emails and WhatsApp messages a blessing. The picture of the Body of Christ at work is glorious indeed. And on a day when we celebrated the birthday of our youngest, it was just what the Great Physician ordered. Thank you for helping us walk this path filled with incredible, deep, profound hardships and also overflowing with amazing, delightful, inexpressible joys.

The ups and downs of adoptions are very real. The emotions are all over the board for all involved. Little ones have hard times regulating, but sometimes big ones do too. And it is a bit of a be careful what you wish for type of thing. On the one hand it is our prayer that our children will become comfortable as quickly as possible and not have to be “putting on their best faces”. On the other hand, as they start to do that, behavioral issues also start to emerge.

Having a child suddenly decide to leave the store because their response to stress is flight (literally) adds some additional stress to parents who are telling kids we cannot and will not buy everything they set their eyes upon that looks like gold. It also means suddenly quadrupling the stress for one parent while the other needs to track down the flight taker. And the decisions to ignore instructions, calls, and understood requests by all of our children (including one who knows what he is and isn’t supposed to be doing in our family), all add to compounding stress. The language is already a trick for us, but when our brains can’t even process the sentence because another child is immediately demanding our attention, it certainly feels overwhelming. Thankfully God is kind with us all even when we struggle to be with one another.

We have also been reminded of a painful part of our journey. Nearly a year ago we learned that China was ending its adoption program, including for those who were already in process. We are part of 300 families who were matched and on their way to travel nearly 6 years ago and who are still left holding nothing but a few pictures and broken hearts. Our adoption agency, Lifeline, has been continuing to seek to advocate for these families and these children. At this stage it would take serious governmental intervention. We would love to ask you to join us in beseeching the Lord of all governments to move in a way that simply doesn’t seem possible at the moment. We would also love for you to check out Lifeline’s Facebook page (which is well worth a visit in any case) to see advocacy videos and how you can help in some very easy, simple steps. And, as an added bonus, if you keep your eye out, you will see one from us, that we tried to put together in the midst of being in Brazil – because we strongly believe that our other son needs to be advocated for and deserves to come home. Lifeline’s page can be accessed by this link: https://www.facebook.com/lifelinechild

Through the tears there continue to be smiles. We have seen our children initiating more conversations with us. They are also learning routines, pulling out the Portuguese/English Bible at night and the Portuguese and English Jesus Storybook Bible. They find mom’s reactions to certain things hilarious and are devouring her delicious cooking. Dad has been unexpectedly hugged and not just when someone wanted him to buy something (as before). We know some days will be very hard and others will be filled with mountain top experiences. Yet, through it all, our heavenly Father kindly carries us through each season as He continues to knit our family together.

We know it has been a while since our last adoption update. That is in part because we have been in a period of waiting and in part because our lives have been very busy with other things.

However, we are very excited to announce that last week our I-800 application was approved! This was one of the last major hurdles and periods of uncertainty for us. Lately the wait time has bee between 2-4 months for this approval and so we were quite surprised to receive this notification last week after under 2 months! We praise the Lord for this and thank you for praying for a speedy response – God graciously granted this request!

So what is next? We are still working with our agency to get the latest update on travel estimates, but likely we are looking to travel about 4-6 weeks from now. The approval announcement is currently being mailed to us, our adoption agency, and the NSV (another government branch). Once this letter is received, the NSV will notify the American embassy in Brazil that we are approved to adopt Pietro, Vinicius, Angel, and Agatha. They will then issue what is know as an Article 5 letter which is the formal request from the USA government to the Brazilian government to allow the adoption to be finalized. Once the Article 5 letter is received, Brazil will be able to issue us travel approval with dates of invitation. At that stage things will move quickly toward booking flights and setting up all the travel. Most realistically we are looking at the end of August (on the faster side) or almost assuredly early September.

We are so thankful for your ongoing support and prayers! Please continue to pray for our kids, for us, and for the upcoming transition! Contrary to how many of us might tend to think of the process, travel, although a monumental stage, is not the conclusion of the process. In many ways it is actually the beginning. All the work and effort to get to this step, though not insignificant, really pales in comparison to what follows. All adoption stories include in them tremendous loss (family, culture, familiarity, friends, etc). While much joy does await, for adopted children everything they have ever known is about to disappear and beyond trying to adjust to a new family, patterns, norms, etc., this loss is an additional significant factor. This is one reason why the first several years after the paperwork is all officially signed can be some of the most difficult and formative. We very much appreciate your prayers for us during this time as we will need more support and much more supplication. There are so many parallels here to our spiritual adoption – the struggle between new life and new creation all the while dealing with a former life and former creature which had such an enormous influence on us and yet is no longer our new identity. The feelings of joy and yet struggle to walk in accordance with Scripture and in step with the Spirit.

Thank you so much for walking this journey alongside us! We are excited to see what the Lord has in store!