Author: LS

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First World Problems

LS

We know we are very blessed and have lived in countries that are all very well off both in terms of finances, but also technology and modernization. Brazil is also a country that is doing quite well for itself. We have been thankful to get to learn more about Curitiba and the country as a whole. It is amazing how massively large this country is!

One of the things we have gotten used to, living in Germany, is hanging out clothes to dry. However, we weren’t necessarily counting on not having a dryer, being in an apartment (so only a narrow and short balcony for outdoors space), much higher humidity levels, and temperatures sometimes only getting into the 50s and 60s Fahrenheit or 15 to 20 Celsius. That combined with seven people and a single drying rack means that clothes are not really every truly dry and they are decorating the entire apartment.

Given that we are so large, a single Uber (the most popular means of transport) simply doesn’t work for our family anymore. But because we only have one phone with a Brazilian SIM, calling two is not quite so easy. Thankfully, living in Europe, we are used to walking a lot – and this is now getting our kids used to that. We were grateful that yesterday the store closest to our house reopened after being closed for renovations. Carrying enough groceries for 7 people on a 15 minute walk with a bunch of kids is a chore indeed…but thankfully we no longer have to worry about gym memberships. Carting around jugs of water is more than sufficient workout. But the kids are pretty good sports about helping out and they are doing pretty well with having to be told no when all the sparkling things in the store catch their eyes.

Today was a national holiday in Brazil – Brazilian Independence day. Not much happened close to us, which is actually good since holidays can sometimes be occasions for political rallies. We were thankful to have a fairly smooth first church service today (with plenty of activity books on hand) and were even blessed to have a long conversation afterwards with a lovely couple who shared about their three grown, married children (one living stateside, another in Italy). They were especially interested in our adoption as one of their grandchildren is also adopted – it is a blessing to connect with people who have some more internal insights into the ups and downs. It was also wonderful to sing familiar hymns translated into Portuguese.

First world problems aside, we continue to be thankful for the way the Lord is working and the time He has blessed us with. We are thankful for all the finances raised that are helping to make this possible and the additional savings we have been able to set aside to make this as memorable as possible. Thank you for your prayers, your generosity, and your care!

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Tears and Smiles

LS

The ups and downs of adoptions are very real. The emotions are all over the board for all involved. Little ones have hard times regulating, but sometimes big ones do too. And it is a bit of a be careful what you wish for type of thing. On the one hand it is our prayer that our children will become comfortable as quickly as possible and not have to be “putting on their best faces”. On the other hand, as they start to do that, behavioral issues also start to emerge.

Having a child suddenly decide to leave the store because their response to stress is flight (literally) adds some additional stress to parents who are telling kids we cannot and will not buy everything they set their eyes upon that looks like gold. It also means suddenly quadrupling the stress for one parent while the other needs to track down the flight taker. And the decisions to ignore instructions, calls, and understood requests by all of our children (including one who knows what he is and isn’t supposed to be doing in our family), all add to compounding stress. The language is already a trick for us, but when our brains can’t even process the sentence because another child is immediately demanding our attention, it certainly feels overwhelming. Thankfully God is kind with us all even when we struggle to be with one another.

We have also been reminded of a painful part of our journey. Nearly a year ago we learned that China was ending its adoption program, including for those who were already in process. We are part of 300 families who were matched and on their way to travel nearly 6 years ago and who are still left holding nothing but a few pictures and broken hearts. Our adoption agency, Lifeline, has been continuing to seek to advocate for these families and these children. At this stage it would take serious governmental intervention. We would love to ask you to join us in beseeching the Lord of all governments to move in a way that simply doesn’t seem possible at the moment. We would also love for you to check out Lifeline’s Facebook page (which is well worth a visit in any case) to see advocacy videos and how you can help in some very easy, simple steps. And, as an added bonus, if you keep your eye out, you will see one from us, that we tried to put together in the midst of being in Brazil – because we strongly believe that our other son needs to be advocated for and deserves to come home. Lifeline’s page can be accessed by this link: https://www.facebook.com/lifelinechild

Through the tears there continue to be smiles. We have seen our children initiating more conversations with us. They are also learning routines, pulling out the Portuguese/English Bible at night and the Portuguese and English Jesus Storybook Bible. They find mom’s reactions to certain things hilarious and are devouring her delicious cooking. Dad has been unexpectedly hugged and not just when someone wanted him to buy something (as before). We know some days will be very hard and others will be filled with mountain top experiences. Yet, through it all, our heavenly Father kindly carries us through each season as He continues to knit our family together.

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Second Breakfast?

LS

If you have ever seen The Lord of the Rings, you might recall the line where two of the hobbits are a bit aghast to realize their other traveling companions are not familiar with the concept of second breakfast or elevensies. We might just be living in a hobbit stage ourselves! Today’s adventure on an all day scenic train and touring combination included:

Breakfast yoghurt for all, a small snack box included in the fare, a bag of Cheetos the kids had been looking forward to having as a treat, small sausages that were a big hit (and were immediately put back on the shopping list), lunch included in the fare, ice cream (buffet again…but we had a better plan of attack this time, fewer people behind us, and we managed to go back up afterwards to get ourselves some scoops), more snacks, an apple, and the pizza for dinner since we arrived back so late. We might need to find another job just to feed everyone! As it often goes with adoption, just when you think you have figured some things out, you realize that kids were acting very different due to anxiety, change, and a million other factors. The first few days they hardly had a few bites for each meal. But now food is disappearing at a much higher rate. We also discover things after the fact that they aren’t quite brave enough to bring to our attention (such as someone the insole of one the shoes for Vinicius either never was there or went missing and he had just been wearing the one without an insole…which is quite uncomfortable…or that Pietro’s new shoes were two sizes too small because we were given the wrong sizes and he just hasn’t been wearing them…we weren’t sure if he didn’t like them, but then we found out today when Vinicius wore them that they were too small for him and so he has just been using his older ones). But baby steps are occurring and we are thankful for that :). Angel wanted to ride with Michelle back in the van, Vinicius was worried about Luke sitting by himself (since we had an odd number in double capacity seats on the train), Agatha’s personality and dramatic flair has us laughing, Elijah is doing better with interactions and being slightly more helpful and a little less contrary because of anxiety, and Pietro is even slowly emerging from his shell just ever so slightly. In a nice surprise we even had everyone add a little something for the first time tonight after reading a section from Mark’s Gospel…it was a relief to know that something is being understood despite the horrendous pronunciation while stumbling through the Portuguese translation.

Speaking of languages – today was extra tiring physically from getting up early for the train (5am), but also mentally tiring from operating in multiple languages. Our bus guide was thrilled to discover we lived in Germany as he said his German was better than his English. So that meant that today was a 4 language day – English with each other and a de other passengers who live in the states, German with the bus guide, Hungarian with Elijah, and very strained and stretched Portuguese with Pietro, Vinicius, Angel, and Agatha. By the end of the day we aren’t sure what language we are in anymore (and the excuse for grammatical mistakes in this blog). It is especially hard to see kids slowly becoming more conversant and to not be able to easily converse with them…translator apps help some, but as good as they have become they are still not that great…our broken Portuguese becomes a guessing game, and we have to get them to repeat things multiple times (which thankfully they are graciously willing to do). And we get to learn again to laugh at ourselves…because 4 of our kids are with various language snafus…and once we figure out what we said wrong it is very funny usually…but as any language learner will tell you, in the moment it is always incredibly embarrassing and yet another good opportunity to be taught humility. Our fifth child wants to know everything everyone is saying and has a hard time just not knowing and having to be told by us that we also don’t understand or that it is very hard to always try to translate everything we think (key word being think) we understand especially when it doesn’t connect to him.

But all in all, we are very thankful, very grateful, and very blessed. The Lord has been and continues to be gracious! Through the laughter, the embarrassment, and the tears (both internal and external), He faithfully upholds and sustains us. We are very grateful for His mercies that are new every morning.

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The Path of Least Resistance

LS

Sometimes the best way forward is the choose the path of least resistance. Adding 4 very active kids means that we are often trying to decide exactly how important are certain things to us? Take today, for instance. After a fairly long walk to try out a new park (very disappointing for all as it had essentially nothing to do), we decided to take some very hangry and tired kids to a local buffet rather than spending more time making food at home. The nice thing about Brazil is that they don’t charge for certain ages. So despite having 7 of us, we were only charged for 4.5 meals (the waiter wisely assessed that Elijah would be eating enough to constitute a half meal despite his age). The buffet was a thrill for the kids as options and as much as they wanted of what they wanted probably hasn’t happened too often. This buffet had grilled meats that could be collected in a separate section at the end. We made the quick decision to only have one parent grab an assortment of meats for the whole time, while the other parent kept an eye on the table. The restaurant probably ended up making out fine despite the discounts, as the path of least resistance means that mom and dad eat little bits fast in order to beat any children and be able to help them in getting food when needed (thankfully many of them could navigate this on their own, but one was a bit overwhelmed when there were more people in line).

The afternoon had us going to a larger park with one of the helpers hired as a part of our fees. The older children were especially excited and really looking forward to the small amusement park at one end of this park…it had been the talk for a few days and had the boys super excited. So it was especially crushing to walk all the way through the park only to discover the amusement section does not open until 17:00. We do try hard to minimize no’s and disappointments, especially considering backgrounds and the ways this has impacted their lives. As a smaller consolation, we ended up getting ice cream and discovered it was an ice cream buffet…a kids dream (perhaps a parent’s nightmare??). We immediately set about to being the scoopers of ice cream to control quantity while simultaneously trying to keep toppings to a set amount…trying to do this with 5 kids is a bigger challenge…especially when seemingly out of nowhere there were suddenly 5-10 people behind us in line and a few kids (not knowing it was pay by the weight) began eating their ice cream. The path of least resistance meant that mom and dad chose to get everyone fixed up and have the treat of a few moments of sitting in silence with a gaggle of happy kids over getting ice cream. On the bright side, this may turn out to be one of the more effective diets invented…the jury is still out on this one, but we will let you know how well jumping from 1 to 5 kids works on fitness (we are already moving a lot more just to answer the calls of “pai” and “mae”).

And – we can share a few photos since no faces are visible 😀 We can’t wait to share the other many we are accumulating as they are awesome! But this will need our official ruling first…speaking of which, please do continue to pray for Article 5 issuance…no news still although we were hoping Lifeline would be able to set up a call with the embassy.

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Little by Little

LS

Adoptions are challenging for many reasons. For those being adopted, the emotional rollercoaster is something that probably none of us can fully grasp. With the excitement comes fear and insecurity, massive highs and dreadful lows. As if that weren’t hard enough, language is different and difficult. Having lived overseas and seeking (unsuccessfully) to somewhat master two different languages, we can relate better to this aspect. Spending a few hours out when moving to a new language group can feel exhausting – the brain is constantly trying to process the new language and working twice as hard because it cannot understand, but is naturally trying very hard to comprehend. We have seen this play out with our kids already – by the time dinner is done, they are all worn out and ready for bed (despite it being an hour and a half earlier than their “normal” bedtimes) and are sleeping in more than they otherwise would.

Rest is essential, as tiredness adds some extra loops into that rollercoaster. Big emotions can suddenly hit over things that would normally be more trivial. And in the initial stages of adoption, it is typical for children to react either in letting all the emotions out with no attempts to regulate first or to stuff all the emotions inside. Having multiple children means that we are actually experiencing both things at once – as some children tend to react one way and others another. However, on the whole, we have picked up that our kids are likely also nervous about another aspect – what if our new family is disappointed by us? This is showing up in apologies given for some slight corrective encouragements (gently letting a child know cutting off the sleeves on their newly bought dress without asking isn’t allowed or roughhousing time that resulted in someone’s feelings hurt needs to come to an end)…things that normally wouldn’t be received with such concern. On the one hand it is very sweet that our children are coming up to apologize unprompted (sometimes via an appointed messenger, sometimes via pictures draw for us with apologies written on them, sometimes verbally right afterwards), and something we do pray will always be on their hearts (to apologize when something happens whether intentional or not). At the same time, we do see that behind this there lurks an insecurity and a deep concern that they might have just really disappointed their family.

And herein lies one of the challenges of adoption – how do we lovingly and carefully correct things that need to be addressed, all the while encouraging and assuring them of unconditional love and acceptance? And how do we carefully pick and choose which things when all the while also helping our other son understand why the new kids might be getting some extra grace in things that he knows he is not allowed to do…and then also helping him understand that he still needs to follow what he knows to be correct for our family rather than imitating others? Lots of prayers are involved, seeking discernment, and attempting to follow God’s own method as His adoption of us has many similar parallels in insecurities, fears, and ups and downs. And little by little walls start to slowly be lowered – time and continual demonstrated love. Some of these kids have built up walls for the majority of their short lives through painful experiences that should never have to be experienced by anyone. Such bricks don’t come down over night…but little by little…

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What’s an Adoption without Drama?

LS

Today was the first full day together as a family of seven! Much to the delight of our daughters, we had the shopping mall on the agenda to get some new outfits. While our kids did come with two suitcases full of clothes, we both wanted to let them get to be involved in picking clothing (for perhaps the first time) and also return other clothes that their orphanage could use for other children. Waiting until 9:30 seemed like torture (even though they didn’t get up until about 7…but in the excitement, breakfast was mostly ignored).

When we finally made it to the shopping mall (having to wait 5 minutes for them to open the doors), the girls immediately set out to find all the outfits they could. We definitely have some very fashion oriented young ladies and the quickly amassed a large number of combinations to try on. The boys were a bit quicker, but also had less options to pick from (so they also ended up with fewer outfits). Mom and dad were a bit overwhelmed and decided to not try to get everything in one swoop. One soccer ball later and at least one child hitting the hangry stage, we swung by the food court, to the delight of the kids, grabbed bathing suits, and then headed to an outdoor sports complex close to home. Getting out energy for a few hours had everyone ready to return to the apartment (although within an hour or two they seemed to get all the energy back!).

As we walked in the door, quite literally, Luke’s WhatsApp rang with a group call from Lifeline, our adoption agency. It seems that by some strange turn of events, the US Embassy in Brazil never issued what is known as Article 5. This is the final document that comes after all other approvals and essentially is the guarantee to the Brazilian government that the US government will, in fact, allow the adopted children to live, reside, and gain permanent citizenship in America. Somehow this was overlooked by everyone involved – most likely because it is, in every other case, a check box item. In fact, it is one of the few things that our agency is able to essentially fix the timeline for because it is so quick and ought to be an automatic issuance. Furthermore, this approval is required before meeting the children and is the key to the Brazilian government telling them to set the meeting date. So not only did Lifeline somehow miss this piece, but so did, apparently, the Brazilian social services branch.

Thankfully, we are blessed with a great agency who we fully trust are doing everything possible to sort through the situation. The embassy alerted Lifeline today of the fact that Article 5 had not been issued (it usually takes a clocked 5 business days and we are more than a month past the time it ought to have been issued) because they were still trying to determine the embassy’s role in the adoption because we are ex-patriots…one more reminder that for things like this, life becomes increasingly more difficult for those living overseas. Lifeline immediately set up a call with the embassy officials and are already working on plans to involve the Department of State if need be.

So what does this mean for us (beyond additional stress)? Well, at the moment there isn’t anything we can do, but wait to hear the outcome of what Lifeline is doing to advocate for us, to pray, to ask you to pray, and to trust the Lord with this too. If we need to get involved in discussions with the embassy or the State Department, Lifeline will let us know. Best case scenario this can get resolved quickly with the embassy issuing Article 5 (albeit after the meeting date) and being convinced that even though we are ex-patriots, every other adoption process in other countries for ex-patriots works this way (did we mention that we are the first ex-patriots to adopt from Brazil? Probably another reason all this got overlooked). Worst case scenario it could delay the finalizing of adoption temporarily or until Article 5 is issued – with this document Brazil would be in violations of the Hague Convention agreements governing international adoptions and would not consent to finalize the adoption. Thankfully, we are still 30 days away from that deadline, but we would also like to know this is wrapped up as quickly as possible with as little stress to us and prayerfully, no added trauma to kids (we are glad that it will hopefully not get to any sort of separation, but also do know it is a remote possibility). So, we would encourage you to join us in prayer! This is one more opportunity for us to trust God with things outside of our control. We are thankful God is in control of even this! Though it seems like we can’t seem to make it through an adoption process without unexpected and unique drama (we do feel bad for what Lifeline has to put up with us each time!), we have seen the Lord work through each one and are thankful for His faithfulness!

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And then there were SEVEN!

LS

This afternoon we set out as a family of three that fit into a single Uber (albeit with a broken passenger door handle that had the three of us plus our Lifeline local representative squishing into the back) and came back as a family of seven that needed two Ubers. To say you could cut the nervousness with a knife would be an understatement! And as it so happens, there were some pieces of information that weren’t entirely ironed out or well communicated which added to the stress a bit (including stepping out of the car to see the children also arriving and being pushed away in the other direction because they wanted to have a big surprise reveal later). Little things like this can often seem bigger when emotions are high, but thankfully the Lord brought us through the day in an overall great way.

Initial nervousness was broken for all after a bit of time cracking the ice together. Returning to the apartment was filled with much excitement, eager looking around, lots of questions (stretching our very limited Portuguese beyond the limits!), and settling in. We pray that the Lord will continue to build upon this start over the next few weeks even though we know there will be more challenging times ahead. Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement!

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The Calm Before the Great Adventure Takes Off!

LS

We are at our final evening as a family of three! It is hard to believe we are already here, after so many years of waiting, disappointment, sorrow, joy, and excitement. We look forward to seeing what God has in store for us!
The last few days have been filled with getting first outfits together, scoping the lay of the land, multiple grocery runs, plenty of stress, high emotions, and physical tiredness.
But now, in less than 24 hours, we are looking forward to seeing God’s additions to our family! Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, and support! Our next update will be as a family of 7!
We know a picture speaks a thousand words, but due to the Brazilian process, the adoption won’t be legally binding and official until the end of September. Because of this we are unable to share photos, but we will be taking plenty and will look forward to dumping them when the time is right!

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First Few Days

LS

We are thankful to share that we have arrived in Curitiba! We were blessed to get upgraded on the long flight due to an extremely full flight. This was a wonderful surprise and allowed us to get more rest than would be otherwise possible.
Yesterday was spent getting unpacked in our apartment, trying to get our bearing some, figuring out how to exchange money, and trying to locate a grocery store (which we did find, but it was closed due to construction).
Today we have gotten some help to do a bigger grocery run and still need to get some clothing and other necessities for our kids. We are thankful that the landlady has been extremely gracious and helpful. In an interesting turn of events, we are actually communicating with her in German since her German is far better than her English. Thankfully the Lord has prepared us for that :). We have heard and are also finding that English is not spoken very often at all in Curitiba. This is putting our limited Portuguese skills to the test, but here too the Lord has prepared us by having lived overseas for many years. During this time we have learned the art of communicating even when words aren’t understandable! And this is a great warm up for communicating with our kids and getting our Portuguese up and running!

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Underway and Some Odds and Ends

LS

We successfully made it out of our house and to the airport! We got our workout in on one of the hottest days with 7 bags (5 checked), bus drivers who don’t like to wait, a broken elevator, and other passengers deciding to use the exact same SBahn entrance we are struggle to fit ourselves into. But we are now awaiting our 7pm flight to Zurich and are excited!

Adoptions are journeys in which we usually focus on everything that is gained – a new family, new siblings, new home, new opportunities, etc. All these things are true and well worth celebrating. However, we often fail to realize that all adoption stories begin with tremendous loss. It involves loss of birth families, but also moves on to include loss of friends developed in an orphanage, loss of identity known so far, loss of country, culture, and even sometimes language. Although in the long run the gains do outweigh the losses, in the short term it is a lot to be hit with, especially at a young age.
We were reminded of this during our final video call last night with our kids. They were thrilled it meet Elijah with one commenting that they always wanted a brother like Elijah and another being excited that the boys now outnumber the girls. They were even more excited to learn that we are meeting them on Monday – until last night they didn’t know when we were coming. But amidst the excitement and joy, the realization also hit one of them that this meant they were about to lose all their friends. That definitely lead to some serious emotions as yet another loss was piled onto a life already experiencing more than most. These are the moments we realize that these stories of, Lord willing, joy and happiness, are paved with stones of hurt and pain. We are thankful we serve a God who enters into our pain through the work of Jesus Christ, the One able to perfectly empathize with us because of His sufferings. Pray with us that even while the emotions of joy are there for all of us, we can also handle well, make space for, and comfort the pain that is also present – it is a weird place to be, having some of the greatest and hardest news hitting simultaneously…especially for someone so young.

We look forward to updating you along the way! Thank you for your prayers!