News

Becoming Reality

LS

We have known for a long time that our time in Germany had an expiration date. We talked about it, prayed about it, began making plans for it. We shared it with our kids early on in order to help them prepare their expectations – they have always known we would only be in Germany until July. And yet, as the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind.

As you might imagine, they have be overwhelmed with so many things – new people, new language, new schedules, new rules, new family, new customs, etc., that they haven’t really had much time to process anything else. With July approaching, we have continued to reference our end date and yet, it wasn’t much more than another piece of information for our kids. This week that all changed as it has started becoming reality.

What are some of the things which brought this into reality? Boxes have started emerging in the house and things have gone into them. The way the house looks is different now and things that had been there since they arrived, are suddenly packed away. Added to that is the calendar of for after dinner chores which has a few dates blocked off – one of which is the farewell party. And the farewell party itself, now being announced. These are all things which have ushered reality in.

Each child has responded a different way, as they each have different stress responses. One child has been much more irritable than normal and short fused. Another has been emotionally very down and struggling with sadness. One child has been even more of a copycat than normal. Another has been very clingy and attention demanding. And another has been more dramatic than typical. Needless to say, trying to help 5 kids regulate themselves feels like more than a full time job. And it is amazing how much emotional rollercoasters can be draining.

What is also interesting is how many of these things feel like throw back reactions. Change, for adoptive children, can trigger what almost appears to be a setback. Moving backwards is part of the journey. Thankfully, now that we are toward the end of the week, we are seeing some of the kids (not all), get a bit more regulated. Of course, there is no telling what and when they will be set off again. That is the challenge with the reality hitting home. It seems to randomly strike and when it does, it can often strike hard. But this does provide an opportunity to try to help kids learn how to say goodbye well, how to handle difficult emotions, that it is okay to struggle with sadness even while looking forward to the future.

And there is always more than what meets the eye. Not too long ago, they had to say goodbye to the only life they had ever known. Changes and transitions can bring up more than just the immediate hardships, it can bring back the big transition they recently went through as well. And this is a lot of transition…a lot for anyone…and definitely a lot of young people. It is all becoming reality…and sometimes reality packs a punch. But we are thankful that the Lord walks through all the valleys with us and leads us through the hard times. We are also grateful that in the Lord, goodbyes are never permanent, only temporary. And we trust the Lord will give us opportunities to reconnect again before the great reunion. In the meantime, we will be trying to survive the rollercoaster and learn to enjoy the ride, helping kids to learn how to regulate well and trying to not forget that reality hits us too.

News

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

LS

Many of you have asked and we are sure others are wondering – what is happening with our never ending citizenship drama?

Well…the short version is…

Unfortunately the emails sent to the State Department (OCI) have not gotten us anywhere. Lifeline graciously sent this out using the terminology drafted by our adoption/immigration lawyer. However, other than a quick response email to let us know they had internally transferred it to the proper overseeing department, we have not heard anything. This upcoming Tuesday will mark 4 weeks with no response on something that was supposed to be relatively routine, simple, and understandable (moving our immigration visa – DS260 – from the U.S. Consulate in Brazil to the U.S. Consulate in Germany).

With the time passing and our window for remaining in Germany rapidly closing, we have found ourselves between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand we cannot legally work in Germany beyond July 13th. We could buy a little additional time if we can demonstrate we are on vacation for the purpose of packing and moving, however, extending that too long runs the risk of us being denied social security for violating our 5 year window to work in Germany. Furthermore, our housing contract expires August 2nd and Luke and Elijah’s residence permits expire at the end of July. All this means that we need to leave the country shortly after July 13th and before the end of the month. Unfortunately, due to the chaotic citizenship process, we cannot get the kids into the USA without completing one of the two open routes.

Where does that leave us?

Well, in consultation with our lawyer, our adoption agency, and our missions agency, we have two options available:

  1. We can attempt to return to Rio de Janeiro where the U.S. Consulate is in order to try to complete the DS260 (immigration visa that was never closed). Our lawyer suggested this would be, on paper, the most advisable route as it would allow us to return to the U.S. immediately upon completion. HOWEVER – as with just about everything in our lives at this moment, nothing is quite as simple as it seems. The foreseeable issues with this route are that the DS260 is designed for people who intend to reside permanently in the U.S. (i.e. they are immigrating there). We are very much on the borderline of meeting this as our long term goals are to transition to Austria, not remain in the U.S. Normally, this would require us staying more than a “short time” to avoid risking having citizenship certificates cancelled. Historically this time frame has been understood to be 6 months, although it still astounds us that children of two U.S. citizen parents could have their citizenship revoked for not remaining in country longer than 6 months. However, lately the issue has been that, like all the other processes, the DS260 is taking much longer to process than it used to. In fact, a family in Brazil at the same time we were, only just recently received their DS260…more than 7 months after application. This means that citizenship was not granted until then, passports could not be applied for until after this point in time, and we would be looking at 8-9 months from start to ability to return overseas…and that is if everything went on the same timeline as a family who followed the “normal” process. The trouble is, that nothing about our situation has been following “normal”. This could put our timeline for Austria in jeopardy. And the trouble with this is that it was constructed to bear in mind the residence permit process and to time school schedules…which could mean kids trying to jump into new schools, in new languages, in a new environment partway through a school semester. In addition, there is the concern that the consulate in Rio de Janeiro was already contacted twice regarding the DS260s…initially to ask them to close these (when we learned they had never been closed) and then, more recently, to ask them to transfer these to Germany. Both requests were met with a response of the consulate not being willing to take any action without directives from higher up groups (hence us attempting to contact OCI to get this directive). In consultation with our adoption agency, they advised against going this route. The reason being that while we were in Brazil, the consulate, who had never had an expatriate family, did not properly issue a critical document (Article 5) despite everything being submitted properly. It took them 2-3 weeks after we had already received custody of the kids for this to be done (despite this supposed to be finished before we arrived in country). Lifeline (our agency) also informed us that this involved a good bit of correspondence with OCI, which was a reason it was so delayed. Their concern is that based on this they would likely not issue us the DS260s, would consult OCI again (which would lead to significant delays), and may very well require us to do additional steps with a very different timeline (because the other timeline is designed and strictly regulated for adoptive families in country and in process). This is a rock for sure.
  2. We can leave Germany and temporarily settle in another country while we wait for the N600-K process to be completed (the citizenship route for families living outside of the U.S. which involves a non-immigration visa). In consultation with MTW (our mission’s board), we do actually have an option that would provide us 6 months of time, with the ability to homeschool (to help complete getting our kids caught up to the proper grades), and the opportunity to pulpit supply for a church currently without a pastor. HOWEVER – just as with the first option, nothing is quite as simple as it seems. Completing the N600-K process means our kids will be issued a non-immigration visa requiring their stay in country post citizenship to be less than a “short time” (i.e. 6 months) or we risk having our kids lose their certificate of citizenship after issuance and having passports revoked. We fail to fathom why two American citizens could have this occur for their adoptive children, but the current political climate means this is not simply an empty threat, but a real concern. That would require us to shorten our time frame in the U.S., reducing the amount of time we would have to raise support, experience our home furlough, and spend time with family. Furthermore, the N600-K process has been ongoing since October with no known end in sight despite repeated inquiries. An additional complication is that recently checking on the USCIS average wait times for the N600-K process in St. Louis (where our application was filed) showed that their timeline has changed. We had been warned by Lifeline that all the signs were indicating that USCIS is really far behind and even updating wait times online is behind. When we first filed the average wait time was 8.5 months which is about where we are right now. Legally we are not allowed to file a complaint, request information, or require USCIS to either expediate our case or inform of how much longer it will take until we have exceeded the average wait time. When we checked just a few days ago, the update was 65 months. Although we anticipated an increase, an 8-fold increase was completely shocking to us and absolutely unthinkable…why does an adoption citizenship process take more than 5 years to process??? Our lawyer did say that if we went this route, she would help us move our application to another USCIS center and push for faster processing. However, this would mean essentially restarting this application at a new site. It would run the risk that 6 months out of Germany might not be long enough. If that was the case, we might need to simply move to Austria earlier than originally planned, only go to the U.S. for the citizenship hearing, and then plan a home furlough for later when the timeline works better for us. Thankfully our support is strong enough to allow for this, but we do need to raise more at some stage especially since we are still operating on the same budget from when we had one child. This is our hard place.

As hard as it is to believe, this really was the short version. And our timeframe is rapidly disintegrating. Early this week we need to make a decision to either begin moving to set up option 1 or option 2. As you might be able to tell, we would greatly welcome and very much need prayers for wisdom. We are thankful that though we feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, God is in perfect control and He is not trapped in the slightest. We look forward to seeing how He works this all out, what He will teach us through this, and how His hand will move. We are learning so much more about trust and reliance on His sovereignty than we ever thought.

And thank you for asking, for your concern. It means so much to us! Your support and prayers have been an enormous blessing and the Lord is sustaining us through them. We are thankful to know the One who is writing our story and we are thankful that He is writing you into it too!

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When it all Comes Flooding Back

LS

Do you remember your feelings as you first starting gaining independency? The first time you were left at home by yourself? Perhaps you were nervous and yet still somewhat excited. Maybe you were worried a bit about how it would go, but still thrilled to finally be old enough.

Recently we had a situation where Luke was running as fast as possible to get the weekly shopping done, but a dental appointment that was moved up meant that Michelle needed to leave before Luke could make it back. We had a plan, it was just going to be 10 minutes. Lunch would get started just as Michelle left, they wouldn’t finish before Luke arrived back. A small step of independency with kids who are all old enough for most families to have no concern about this.

And yet, ours is not an ordinary family. We were both independently worried that this might not go over well with the kids. You see, most kids are eager for this stage of independence and to show their maturity. However, ours are not most kids. Then it happened – a temper flared from one child to another as mom was trying to get out the door. This was quickly addressed and then there was running to catch the bus. Luke arrived home less than 10 minutes later. The kids didn’t even have time to leave the table from lunch. Yet, all of them poured out the door to both let Luke know they were home alone and to help with the groceries (which, like many families, is a bit unusual unprompted).

Then there was the aftermath. Lunch was finished, but there was unquestionably a tremendous amount of nervous energy. One child couldn’t stop laughing hysterically at things that really weren’t funny. Another child was on edge. One was unable to sit still and another was non-stop talking about nonsensical things. Watermelon was added to the lunch before chips…it slowed all the kids down as Luke also tried to address and draw to their attention that their hyperactive state was likely due to being briefly alone, but now was a time to calm down especially since they were along no longer.

What was happening? Well, one child continued to be struggling with his attitude days afterwards. As this was addressed, the answer came out. It was what we had already suspected, but was then confirmed. Being left alone, brief as it was, as much as we did everything to assure them it was short, they had an activity, and dad was on his way back, triggered something. It triggered a past and the trouble with triggers is that it all comes flooding back. This particular type of independency was not filled with excitement or thrill…other types have been…but this one brought back a nightmare.

Unfortunately, not knowing exactly what happened in the past means that, while we can guess what might trigger, we can’t always know for sure. Furthermore, life happens sometimes and as much as we try to guard against them, some triggers are unavoidable. And when it all comes flooding back, behavior changes without realization. And sometimes we don’t realize it either. This can make addressing behavioral issues a bit of a puzzle. If it is caused by a trigger, simply clamping down on the behavior won’t fix the problem and might actually cause more damage. Thankfully, in this instance, we were able to see the dots connect and open the door to discuss the trigger event. Opening up will likely take years. Just a tiny crack happened, but it was a chance to reassure that we are here, would love to listen, want to help, and yet the story is not our own and so when they are ready and only then should they feel free to share.

One baby step at a time to try to help do post flooding damage control. Thankfully the Lord brings healing even to the most flooded of places.

News

Putting out Fires

LS

Walking through any trial in life can feel like chaos completely out of control. Adoption often feels like this as every day seemingly brings new adjustments, changes, emotional challenges, etc. Ours has certainly felt like this and more so lately. One image that comes to mind is putting out fires. It feels like everything is burning at a horribly rapid rate and part of what we are trying to do is determine which fire is the most urgent. One fire is about all we can manage at a time, and trying to extinguish the most threatening and then quickly moving on to the next is exhausting.

What is even more annoying is that new fires seem to spring up spontaneously and threaten to blow into an uncontrollable blaze. The latest difficulties with citizenship and visas are one example. We thought, back in October, that we would have the citizenship appointment somewhat close to our requested time of February. We never thought we would be coming down to the wire of needing to exit Germany with no end in sight toward the citizenship process.

One of the spontaneous fires that comes along with this is the need to renew our children’s passports. They were all issued emergency passports just before we left Brazil, which only carry one year’s worth of validity. Because the process is dragging on, we realized we would have to renew these as we have less than 6 months left on them and many countries won’t issues visas without more than 6 months left. Thankfully, we got some amazing help from a Brazilian friend who gave step by step directions. Even so, with 4, it took more than 4 hours to complete the application process…and it would have easily taken 3 to 4 times as long without the amazing assist.

Another spontaneous fire that popped up was that one our children had their tax identification number cancelled for no reason. Three of them were no issue, but one was. Unfortunately, Brazilian passports require an active tax id. This had us scrambling to try to get it reinstated. Once again, our friend proved very helpful in researching how to fix this. We tried one thing, to request a reinstatement of the number. We then went to the Brazilian consulate to drop off original documents, and were told we would also need to change the names of all the kids from their birth names (which were linked to the tax id) to their new names. This had us rush home to send a flurry of emails out requesting this…only to receive a note from the tax office informing us that due to adoption, we needed to file for entirely new tax ids. Another fire that started. Thankfully, the tax office responded to this new request very quickly and in a few days we had the new tax ids which we sent to the consulate.

Thankfully this was a spontaneous fire that we managed to extinguish relatively fast. But, extinguishing fires takes tremendous amounts of energy and, in this case, time. It left us more emotionally drained and exhausted. We are thankful for all the help we received. Fighting fires in with other firefighters is an enormous blessing.

We are still in the midst of a burning building. The processing time for the passports is around 6 weeks, which will put us very close to our deadline. We still have no information from the US side regarding either transferring the open immigration visa or the N600-K citizenship application process. We are now down to a month and a half from when our certificate of coverage allowing us to work in Germany expires. There are no concrete plans in place, because none can be made. We are exploring alternative options, starting to see about back up plans, pushing for information, and praying for wisdom. The Lord has His timing, but it certainly can seem like the winds are blowing the first in the wrong direction.

Thank you so much for your prayers, concern, and encouragement! Having other firefighters surrounding us is incredibly important and essential. The Lord is graciously sustaining us through you!

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What Lurks in the Darkness

LS

One thing that we have seen to be common amongst all of our kids is a significant disliking of being alone and especially in the dark. More than just a dislike, it is probably more accurate to describe it as a fear. This means that our kids won’t stay by themselves for very long. Even if they are playing on their own, they will tend to check back in to make sure nothing has happened and that we haven’t disappeared. Doing schoolwork is something they don’t want to do by themselves and would rather be in the same room as one of us. This means if someone has to leave, they will migrate to where the other person is.

An overnight trip with one of the kids showed this. While Luke had to attend a conference, the accompanying child was working on his school in the hotel room. Despite it being a sunny day, all the lights were on – in every possible location. And they stayed on, even after going to bed. Because darkness and time alone both bring unconscious concerns of danger, desertion, and can almost trigger a bit of panic.

Over much time, this can slowly change. Bedroom doors can be closed at night without causing fear or concern. Lights don’t always have to be on and they don’t always have to be in the same room all the time. These are all positive signs that kids are beginning to feel more comfortable, safe, and secure. Independent baby steps are not signs of distancing, but actually positive indicators that the environment has been established firmly enough to leave a sense of stability. And it is even more positive when it is self initiated – this shows they themselves feel at ease and not always on edge.

Despite, this, change can trigger old wounds. A new location brings back the old fears. A parent leaving for long periods of time can leave them less settled and secure. There are hundreds of factors – some of which we can anticipate, but many of which we cannot. And quite often, our children are not necessarily cognizant of this…it is more of an ingrained response that is automatic.

And yet, slowly, but surely, one day at a time, these fears can slowly subside. The darkness retracts just a bit more and the threat is slightly less imminent. There are many ways in which this reflects our spiritual journey. Old habits die hard and fears seem to constantly terrorize us. Yet our heavenly Father is incredibly patient and walks us through each phase. And step by step we move a little further away from the old and into the new.

What lurks in the darkness can be terrifying, but the light can break through and change all of this. It is gradual, doesn’t happen overnight, is sometimes two steps forward and several steps back. But it is possible to overcome. What lurks in the darkness doesn’t always have to lurk. It can be driven away through an abiding peace.

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Hitting Empty

LS

There are many interesting things that you learn when you live in another country. There are different values and things which are considered to be “normal”. One of those interesting aspects of life in Germany is that there are a few laws which are different from other places. It is illegal in Germany to run out of gas on the Autobahn. Besides leaving you stranded, you can face serious fines if your gas tank hits empty. There is a value here on not causing harm to other drivers or causing a potentially dangerous situation for other cars who are not expecting a stranded car on a highway with no speed limits. One reason why cars have warnings that flash before the tank hits empty is to avoid damage to the vehicle or a situation of being stranded.

However, what happens to us when our emotional tanks hit empty? Our lives feel a bit like the Autobahn – things are speeding around at a million miles an hour. And in an attempt to keep up with it all and to care for so many new people, we can ignore the warning signs and convince ourselves we can make it just a bit longer. This can be especially true with children who have a higher level of emotional needs. Trying to help them regulate takes a lot of emotional energy and can drain the tank much faster.

Thankfully and by the grace of God, we have managed to avoid having both of us hit empty at the same time. And while it often feels like we are living in the danger zone with warnings going off, we have had several instances over the past several months where one of us hit emotional empty. The unfortunate aspect of this is that the cars in our lives don’t slow down. In fact, it often seems like they begin zipping by at a more alarming rate. Children don’t necessarily understand emotional energy levels or how to read the gauges. In fact, what can happen with those who have been through trauma is that emotional changes can trigger things. Emotional changes may have signified danger just around the corner or brought about major pain.

Triggered kids can look and act very different. One child might feed off the emotion and become more emotional themselves. Stubbornness kicks in at a much higher rate. Pressing buttons goes into overdrive. Being uncooperative suddenly becomes almost a game. Another might suddenly begin attempting to micro analyze emotions – asking every few hours if you are angry or sad and not being willing to accept your answers. Or suddenly become more clingy when you actually need more space. Of course, the hard irony of all of this is that it becomes a negative feedback cycle. Triggered kids take more energy to handle and to attempt to regulate, but energy is the very thing that you lack and can’t seem to recover. And when the tank is completely drained, there is nothing left to give. Of course, the other problem is that when there is nothing left damage can occur and it takes longer to repair and recover.

All this means that there can be collateral damage and negative feedback cycles can be hard to break. The Lord has given us two for a reason and surrounded us with a whole team of people. Your prayers, messages, calls, helping out, bringing things, are all seemingly little actions which can have a huge impact. It is amazing how much of a boost a little fuel can give to a tank that is drained or almost so. You never know exactly where the people around you are on their emotional reserves. By God’s grace when one of us has hit empty the other has managed to step in. Of course this means that there is an even greater emotional drain on that person and its not always easy to help divert triggers. This is where the grace of the Lord can be most clearly demonstrated. We need His grace with each other so often, with our kids, and with ourselves. It also gives room to demonstrate humility and teach our kids that even parents have hard days and fail at times. Thankfully the Lord even uses that in a way that only He can do.

And there are mercies that are new each day – even for cars that are running on fumes and with warning bells going off. The Lord provides the needed strength and uses His people to help sustain those who are struggle to keep their heads above the surface of the water.

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Old Habits Die Hard

LS

Likely you have heard the saying that old habits die hard. Quite likely you have experienced this yourself. Change doesn’t come easily especially when it is something that touches on time tested routines. It makes sense too. We build up habits through much repetition and over significant time. Yet, we tend to think that they will be rewired in a moment.

And even though we know this at some level, walking through it can be another story altogether. Like so many things we have learned in this journey the distance between head and heart and hands can sometimes feel universes apart. Our expectations tend to work against us – though we might know something to be true, we still expect them to somehow be different.

This can especially be true with children who have spent more time developing habits outside of your own care. They have been developed over years and years. Sometimes well shaped and formed, but often developed through survival, self preservation, negligence, or simply because no one ever bothered to teach you any differently.

We have noticed plenty of these throughout the past couple of months. Habits of copying other people to get a laugh or gain attention. Lying about nearly everything especially if there is any sense that the truth might possibly bring trouble. Giving up when something seems too difficult or simply doesn’t want to be done. Speaking, and maybe even believing, as if everything were extreme. Doing nearly everything you know you aren’t supposed to do despite being told many times. We could go on and on.

It is very easy to get frustrated when it seems like these things are never changing. Yet, the difficulty si to remember that some of these things, perhaps all of them, were forged through traumatic backgrounds and as a means of getting by. Trust is not built overnight and in its absence, defense mechanisms are constantly in place. It may take years for these to disappear as even when the guard goes down a bit, the slightest sign of danger causes it to come shooting back up. Old habits die hard for the best of us. But they can die even harder for those who have developed them through hardship and pain.

Patience and understanding are needed. And it is amazing how much emotional energy this can take. But we are reminded that our Lord is gracious and patient with us and our habits that we cling to. He kindly sanctifies us and helps us purge them, replacing them with things in alignment with His Word and according to His Will. And we pray that He will be working in our lives to replace our habits of expectations, frustrations, acting on our desires and to exchange them with things that reflect Him and point our kids toward Him.

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Lurking Beneath the Surface

LS

So often there are so many things which are lurking beneath the surface, just out of sight, usually overlooked by everyone…especially those who take a quick glance. It takes time, persistence, and a bit of awareness to actually spot things which are lurking beneath the surface. While this is true of all people, it can especially manifest itself in adoption.

In many ways, adoptive journeys feel very strange and almost contradictory. On the one hand, 8 months in, it seems as though we have been a family forever. It is no longer strange to be a family of 7 and so much of it all seems normal and like it has always been this way. However, on the other hand, there are many things which happen which remind us of just how short 8 months truly is – and how permanence and true attachment are things which take long periods of time…much longer than 8 months. Often these are things lurking just beneath the surface that go unnoticed by most, including ourselves, but actually are symptomatic of other things.

One example has to do with the complexity of getting our citizenship issue resolved. Although the kids don’t know all the ins and outs, the technical details, the various agencies we are trying to solicit answers from, they do know the big picture. They know that we are trying to leave in July and that we are waiting on permission from the USA. Although they have mentioned it from time to time and asked about how things have been going, one child in particular started asking on a nearly daily basis if we had received an email from the USA yet. It seemed like just a normal question, although it was also clear that it was causing some concern and worry. A few times mention of things like us never getting to go came from this child, to which we responded it was just a matter of time and patience.

Then, one time, a sentence came out which revealed something lurking further beneath the surface. It was said in a seemingly calm, almost nonchalant manner of speech. Almost something which would have been overlooked. It started with the usual question about receiving an email. With the normal unfortunately not response, the reply returned was “Maybe we will have to go an orphanage while you all go back to the States”. We had heard several kids mention, in a joking fashion that perhaps the 3 of us would go to the States while the 4 of them went back to Brazil, which we always said wouldn’t happen and we just needed to wait more patiently. However, this was a new thing mentioned…stated just as if it were a fact…emotionless…just sort of thrown out there. And suddenly it became clear that something was lurking below the surface that we hadn’t seen for several weeks if not months.

There was something in beneath the waters in this child’s life…a threatening current which was not readily visible from up above. That perhaps this arrangement wasn’t so permanent and unbreakable. Maybe forever family was actually a bit more temporary…possibly it could all end. And in many ways this is understandable – permanence and stability are two things which were absent for nearly all their lives…change was what was more “normal” and there was plenty of change in a negative, even dangerous direction mixed in with some good changes.

Thankfully, when something like this surfaces, it not only reveals concerns, fears, hidden worries, but it offers opportunities. In particular, it gave the chance to talk with a child about how family is indeed forever and that means of all the possibly routes this already crazy situation could take us, none of them included orphanages. That our family comes first and whatever decision we make, wherever we end up going next, it will involve all 7 of us together…no separations. A concern..an anxiety…a separation fear or a separation anxiety masked in calmness, emotionless, matter of fact speech…hidden behind daily questions of if the email came yet, jokes about returning to Brazil…lurking beneath the surface. Thankfully, the Lord used this opportunity to provide assurance, reassurance, and to build upon established trust. And the interesting thing is that while this particular child has still asked from time to time about the email, it has gone from daily to perhaps once every week or even two. Once what was lurking beneath the surface was notice, it could be put to rest and a fear could be stilled.

Certainly this won’t be the end to this anxiety…it is a current which is so entrenched in the lives of those whose worlds have been torn apart in highly traumatic ways, that it will keep making its appearance. But perhaps this will help us to be better aware to look for this issue lurking below the surface a bit more. And isn’t this similar to our own spiritual adoption stories? Our actions, words, thoughts, and beliefs are often influenced by things lurking below the surface that we aren’t always even self aware of. They take time to identify, diagnose, and change. The key difference is that we have a heavenly Father who sees beyond the surface level and knows exactly what is lurking below. And He patiently, persistently, and perfectly because bringing these things to the surface…not for His benefit, but for our own awareness as a part of His sanctification.

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Rebooting

LS

It has been a long time, too long, since we last updated. That certainly doesn’t mean that life has not had anything worth sharing. Quite to the contrary, life has been so busy that we have hardly had any time for anything else. This has been unfortunate as we have enjoyed keeping you up to date and have heard so many of you share how much these posts have meant to you.

So, this is our attempt to reboot…hopefully somewhat more successfully. Thankfully, with more than 3 months unpublished, there is much to share and no end to resources.

Perhaps one of the biggest developments we have been facing is how to get into the USA on schedule. We are rapidly approaching the 5 year deadline set by governmental agreements between the USA and Germany. We have to leave at the 5 year mark to avoid losing our social security for exceeding the short term worker definitions. This date for us is July 15th. In addition, we have been struggling to get the citizenship process sorted out to allow our children into the USA.

In October, upon returning home, we immediately filed the N600-K applications which are designed for children of USA citizens who are living abroad. Unfortunately, our requested date range of February for a citizenship appointment came and went with no news. As March rolled around, with our deadline starting to loom nearer, we tried to reach out to USCIS (US Customs and Immigration Services) to get more information. We then discovered that one of the downsides of advanced technology and AI is that it is impossible to talk to an actual person, and computers don’t care about your particular circumstances.

This led us to reach out to congressmen for help to try and figure out the status of our case and any potential time estimates. Thankfully, one congressman’s office proved very helpful and willing to track down any possible information. They advocated on our behalf with USCIS and started raising some concerns about our situation. The USCIS congressional liaison began asking why we had applied the way we did, how long we intended to be stateside, and why we had so many active applications. It was then that we learned that we had an open immigration visa at the consulate in Brazil which has apparently never been closed (as it should have been) when we returned to Germany. We were also told we had a non immigration visa open in Frankfurt, which was truly puzzling as we had never applied for this.

After more back and forth and assistance from the congressman’s office, we learned that Frankfurt had no record of anything in our name. Lifeline, our adoption agency, attempted to help us with the situation in Brazil, but were told that only USCIS could now close the open visa applications and the embassy wouldn’t do anything without them requesting and initiating it. Lifeline encouraged us and helped us get connected to a lawyer who specializes in adoption and immigration cases.

Last week we were able to talk with the lawyer and learn that N600-K applications are designed for people who reside overseas. Given our situation of going on home assignment, we would need to make sure we did not remain stateside for more than 6 months or we would risk having the citizenship canceled and any passports revoked. On the other hand, the immigration visas (IH-3) are designed for people permanently residing stateside and if we went that route we would need to make sure we stayed stateside longer than 6 months or risk having citizenship cancelled and passports revoked. The lawyer advised us that the best chance of us meeting our deadlines would be to request the immigration visas be transferred to Germany and completed here. Theoretically this should be a relatively simple and straightforward step.

At the lawyers advice we reached out to the National Visa Center (NVC) to request the case transfer. We also asked Lifeline to help us advocate for this transfer. Lifeline then messaged the NVC, the consulate in Brazil, and USCIS. Although we never heard back (it is amazingly difficult and disappointing how hard it is for US citizens to get any answers about their own case), thankfully Lifeline did. After jumping through several hoops to get things in exactly the format NVC wanted (including having to send 4 separate emails – one for each child), NVC finally came back with the answer that once they transferred the case to the consulate in Brazil in July, 2025, any changes or updates needed to be handled directly by the consulate and not NVC. The consulate came back to Lifeline and repeated that they will not do anything with the case (transferring or otherwise) unless requested to do so by USCIS. USCIS responded to Lifeline to say that these case file numbers submitted applied to aspects which were transferred from USCIS to the NVC and that any questions about them should be directed now to the NVC. An endless loop of finger pointing.

We are now awaiting further counsel from the lawyer about best next steps and options. Waiting for the N600-K to go through has an unknown time frame, but almost certainly after July. It also comes with a shorter time stateside than we initially intended. But the immigration visa transfer has proven to be more difficult than it should be. As you can see, we could use prayers for wisdom and much guidance. Planning is extremely difficult and there is much uncertainty with looming deadlines – above all it would be helpful to simply know what our best backup and next step needs to be.

We look forward to rebooting and Lord willing, sharing more soon (we promise in less time than 3 months :))!

News

Changing Paces

LS

The Christmas season brings with it a mad rush that culminates is an exhausted break. For adults, we are used to the rhythm and anticipate it. However, for kids, the anticipation of Christmas can bring with much change and change is both exciting and disruptive. No one wants to go to school, but after a day or two, the change in schedule and the additional unoccupied time can suddenly leave kids feeling bored and out of their routine. Thankfully we can also see some progress being made – the feelings of boredom were definitely present, but caused less tension and stress than in the past. This go around it approached more of a “normal” level of complaints due to boredom.

And with Christmas came things which could help occupy attention. The gifts were exciting and much anticipated. We also managed to keep it at a good level and avoided overstimulation due to too much excitement. The slight snowfall also helped occupy attentions as our kids had never seen snow. This meant that Christmas was a mix of opening things inside and then playing outside. We have learned that as energy levels rise, moving kids outdoors is very beneficial.

We have been thankful for the change of pace that was much needed. In fact, it hard to say if students or teachers appreciate breaks more. The opportunities to school kids at home while we await official instructions has been very beneficial. We have already been able to make up a lot of ground in many areas that were lacking. However, there is no question that this adds a lot of additional work to our plates. Not having to teach, plan, oversee, and correct has been a nice break. It has allowed us to spend more time just hanging out as a family and even dad was able to reduce some of his workload. The lack of posting is evidence of things we have put a pause to in order to slow down some. And as for most of you, slowing down is necessary from time to time…and we often don’t realize the pace we have been running until we take a break.

Without a doubt the year closed out with much to be thankful for and much change. In many ways it is hard to believe we have been a family of 7 for 4 months. In some ways it has felt much longer than that and in other ways much shorter. Every day brings new strides, new stresses, new successes. Looking back and comparing brings encouragement even as we feel overwhelmed with how much still lies ahead of us. The Christmas day service and potluck saw us staying until the end instead of leaving early due to approaching meltdowns. This is a remarkable difference in just 2 months of potluck times. Kids are also getting more settled as is evidenced by a significant reduction in overanalyzing emotional states and a little less mischievous activity…at least that which was due to stress.

A New Year brings with it plenty of challenges. We still don’t have residence permits resolved. Nothing has ever been received regarding schooling – and while we are thankful to be able to school at home, we also are needing to walk the balance of not knowing, not asking, and also explaining to other groups (like the immigration office) why we don’t have a school enrollment paper. We are still waiting on the US citizenship process and are praying this can take place in January. Luke has a week long trip coming up (that kids are already speaking about and negatively anticipating) and then another 5 day trip to close out January. We will slowly need to start turning our attention to closing things out in Munich – downsizing, packing, etc. And with this will also come setting things up for the time in the US.

With all that lies behind and all we anticipate ahead, we are thankful for the guiding hand of the Lord. We know He sovereignly guides all that occurs and we trust He will continue to lead us and strengthen our family. The works of the Lord are great and we are blessed to see them firsthand.