So often there are so many things which are lurking beneath the surface, just out of sight, usually overlooked by everyone…especially those who take a quick glance. It takes time, persistence, and a bit of awareness to actually spot things which are lurking beneath the surface. While this is true of all people, it can especially manifest itself in adoption.
In many ways, adoptive journeys feel very strange and almost contradictory. On the one hand, 8 months in, it seems as though we have been a family forever. It is no longer strange to be a family of 7 and so much of it all seems normal and like it has always been this way. However, on the other hand, there are many things which happen which remind us of just how short 8 months truly is – and how permanence and true attachment are things which take long periods of time…much longer than 8 months. Often these are things lurking just beneath the surface that go unnoticed by most, including ourselves, but actually are symptomatic of other things.
One example has to do with the complexity of getting our citizenship issue resolved. Although the kids don’t know all the ins and outs, the technical details, the various agencies we are trying to solicit answers from, they do know the big picture. They know that we are trying to leave in July and that we are waiting on permission from the USA. Although they have mentioned it from time to time and asked about how things have been going, one child in particular started asking on a nearly daily basis if we had received an email from the USA yet. It seemed like just a normal question, although it was also clear that it was causing some concern and worry. A few times mention of things like us never getting to go came from this child, to which we responded it was just a matter of time and patience.
Then, one time, a sentence came out which revealed something lurking further beneath the surface. It was said in a seemingly calm, almost nonchalant manner of speech. Almost something which would have been overlooked. It started with the usual question about receiving an email. With the normal unfortunately not response, the reply returned was “Maybe we will have to go an orphanage while you all go back to the States”. We had heard several kids mention, in a joking fashion that perhaps the 3 of us would go to the States while the 4 of them went back to Brazil, which we always said wouldn’t happen and we just needed to wait more patiently. However, this was a new thing mentioned…stated just as if it were a fact…emotionless…just sort of thrown out there. And suddenly it became clear that something was lurking below the surface that we hadn’t seen for several weeks if not months.
There was something in beneath the waters in this child’s life…a threatening current which was not readily visible from up above. That perhaps this arrangement wasn’t so permanent and unbreakable. Maybe forever family was actually a bit more temporary…possibly it could all end. And in many ways this is understandable – permanence and stability are two things which were absent for nearly all their lives…change was what was more “normal” and there was plenty of change in a negative, even dangerous direction mixed in with some good changes.
Thankfully, when something like this surfaces, it not only reveals concerns, fears, hidden worries, but it offers opportunities. In particular, it gave the chance to talk with a child about how family is indeed forever and that means of all the possibly routes this already crazy situation could take us, none of them included orphanages. That our family comes first and whatever decision we make, wherever we end up going next, it will involve all 7 of us together…no separations. A concern..an anxiety…a separation fear or a separation anxiety masked in calmness, emotionless, matter of fact speech…hidden behind daily questions of if the email came yet, jokes about returning to Brazil…lurking beneath the surface. Thankfully, the Lord used this opportunity to provide assurance, reassurance, and to build upon established trust. And the interesting thing is that while this particular child has still asked from time to time about the email, it has gone from daily to perhaps once every week or even two. Once what was lurking beneath the surface was notice, it could be put to rest and a fear could be stilled.
Certainly this won’t be the end to this anxiety…it is a current which is so entrenched in the lives of those whose worlds have been torn apart in highly traumatic ways, that it will keep making its appearance. But perhaps this will help us to be better aware to look for this issue lurking below the surface a bit more. And isn’t this similar to our own spiritual adoption stories? Our actions, words, thoughts, and beliefs are often influenced by things lurking below the surface that we aren’t always even self aware of. They take time to identify, diagnose, and change. The key difference is that we have a heavenly Father who sees beyond the surface level and knows exactly what is lurking below. And He patiently, persistently, and perfectly because bringing these things to the surface…not for His benefit, but for our own awareness as a part of His sanctification.
Halfway Around the Globe 