One of the more unique features of Brazil is that there is a particular very small black fly that happens to have a bite which has a more significant impact than a mosquito. It will leave red welts that last for days. And unfortunately there is one that likes to visit our bedroom around 3am – which doesn’t make for a restful night. The buzzing and landing on any exposed skin will drive you mad.
Adoptive kids face similar little flies all the time. They are so small they are virtually imperceptible and can easily be missed. They are often labeled as just “normal” kid challenges and to some extent they are. You might recall that it isn’t so much that adoptive kids have entirely unique issues (although they certainly do have this due to background trauma) as it is that the “normal” issues are far more intense and significantly more dramatic. But these little flies are incredibly annoying and can interrupt what is supposed to be a restful, relaxing time.
Today we were very thankful to have kept the morning free of scheduled activities. After the long day in the outdoor water area yesterday, it was great to have a slow morning. The kids could sleep in and they stay in pajamas as we almost treated it like a stereotypical Saturday morning (and to a large extent we aren’t sure what day it is anymore anyway). Elijah turned 10 today and he was very excited for his birthday and his siblings were excited to celebrate with him. We had a cake delivered in the morning and spent more than an hour just hanging out on the couch – possibly the slowest and most peaceful morning yet. Several kids decided to get into slow motion film directing with our phones, a small tickling contest ensued, and dad had a couple of kids hanging onto him for a bit.
Lunch was topped by a birthday cake and some small presents – the kids were excited to show Elijah what they bought him. Mom and dad were excited that all the kids enjoyed the few dollar store toys that they had picked out as presents (and noted to themselves to do more few items at cheap prices in the future). We also explained to the kids that we like to do a bigger activity as a present (rather than a lot of expensive items). Next week we are taking the kids to an amusement park which we shared was Elijah’s present (as we are staying a couple of days) and marks his 10th birthday today and his 7th family day celebration on September 17th (hard to believe we adopted him 7 years ago!).
We then went to a local park to meet up with another family who adopted 3 children the day after we did. And that is when some of those flies started to emerge. The first hour at the park the kids were the least active they have ever been at a park. Rather than playing they were primarily sitting and watching us very closely. It was an almost imperceptible thing that could have easily be chalked up to being a bit tired or lethargic. But by paying very close attention and stepping into their shoes a bit, you begin to see the buzzing, annoying things attempting to gnaw away at them. You see, our kids have not been in a situation yet, where mom and dad were talking to another person…much less ones who also had adopted kids. They hadn’t faced not having undivided attention. And it was a new thing which was a bit concerning to them. But unlike many kids who might immediately run up and seek to grab attention, they were almost semi frozen, not sure what to do, but keeping a worried eye on everything. They weren’t even interacting with each other (one of the things that cued us in as that rarely happens). It was a good chance to let them start to experience this a bit, with only one other family, and in a situation where, after a little time, we could alternate going over to them. A few hugs later and some wary eyes watching to make sure nothing changed or happened to mom and dad (or them), and slowly they starting playing a bit more normally.
This is the life of an adopted child – the smallest, most seemingly insignificant issues can be buzzing flies that just disrupt what was an otherwise wonderful time. Again, this is not entirely unique. Young children often feel threatened when their parents attention is captured by something else and this can lead to jealousy. The difference is that for an adoptive child, this is not simply the buzzing of a theoretical concern, it is the biting reminder of an actuality that has already happened – and it can cause an almost freezing level of fear to settle in.
By the time we got home, things were mostly back to normal. There was the stress of not being able to exchange money (the line was simply not moving and it was the choice of wait another 20 minutes or risk meltdown), not managing to find an ATM that was open or would accept our bank card (what are the odds that two banks next to each other would have one closed for cash transfers and the other that wouldn’t accept an outside card?), and getting back to screaming (sometimes in delight and sometimes in anger) and attitudes (the trauma of having to pick up after their own paper mess). And if you read carefully, you can probably figure out that our kids aren’t the only ones who have little black nearly invisible flies seeking to disrupt our lives. Thankfully the Lord is sovereignly over all things, even those annoying buzzes. And we are grateful for His continued, kind provisions!
Halfway Around the Globe 